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Why I Drink: Regal Cinemas Strip Search Edition

By Steven Lloyd Wilson | Think Pieces | August 21, 2015 |

By Steven Lloyd Wilson | Think Pieces | August 21, 2015 |

Good news everybody! You know how going to the movies is an expensive pain in the ass and the only reason anyone does it is because either they accidentally became an online film critic or because they’re too impatient to wait six months to watch the movie at home? Well know Regal Cinemas (otherwise known as like a third of the movie theaters in the country) has announced that they will start searching bags.

Says Regal:

Security issues have become a daily part of our lives in America. Regal Entertainment Group wants our customers and staff to feel comfortable and safe when visiting or working in our theatres. To ensure the safety of our guests and employees, backpacks and bags of any kind are subject to inspection prior to admission. We acknowledge that this procedure can cause some inconvenience and that it is not without flaws, but hope these are minor in comparison to increased safety.

You sit on a throne of lies, Regal. We all know that you aren’t doing this for customer safety. So what happens when the minimum wage sixteen year old finds that my backpack is full of handguns and grenades? Either you are so delusional as to think that said sixteen year old is going to Statham the guy walking in with an arsenal, or you’re at least cynical enough to not give a shit that a sixteen year old gets shot in the face five minutes before the six people watching Paul Blart instead of five minutes after. Put it on your job ads:

Regal Cinemas: shit pay, no benefits, and we hope you get shot in the face.

Or we can all just be honest here and realize that not one ounce of this has the slightest thing to do with security. No, some worthless fuck at corporate decided that the company could get a slight PR bump with some pointless security theater (ooh, appropriate pun) and at the same time strip search everyone to keep out unauthorized snacks that were purchased for fair market value instead of for a third mortgage.

Fuck you Regal. I hope your entire business chokes on its $8 bags of M&Ms.

I’ll let the eloquence of Twitter sum this up:

Preach it Twitter Nazi, PREACH IT.

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Steven Lloyd Wilson is the sci-fi and history editor. You can email him here or follow him on Twitter.