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What Do Swimming, Frogs, and Black Swan Have In Common?

By S. P. Ashworth | Think Pieces | February 8, 2011 |

By S. P. Ashworth | Think Pieces | February 8, 2011 |

I have many issues with Aronofsky’s Black Swan: The potential of Portman receiving an Oscar for being able to whine really, really well, the 57 “Oh snap!” moments, not to mention the complete lack of character depth (did Portman have a Dad? Friends? A favorite movie?) At one point during the film I turned to my friend and whispered, “Man. I am just bored.”

But the biggest thing that concerns me about Black Swan, is this:


Who is masturbating like this?! Are you masturbating like this? ‘Cause I’m not. OK. Listen. If you’re masturbating like this, I gotta tell you something. You’re doing it wrong. That’s all there is to it. What you’re seeing here looks like a dying frog with its arm trapped beneath its body. What woman seeking a comfortable and enjoyable orgasm would think this position is a good idea? Shit - it’s hard enough to get yourself off when a guy rails you from behind, let alone with your pelvis mashed down on the mattress. I don’t care how hot you are - seeing this is just awkward. So stop doing breaststrokes on your bed, flip over, and get ‘er done.


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Dustin is the founder and co-owner of Pajiba. You may email him here, follow him on Twitter, or listen to his weekly TV podcast, Podjiba.