My husband and I saw Top Gun the other day at our local theater. I had not seen it in a decade or two and was enjoying the crazy in Tom Cruise’s eyes that no one noticed at the time. Then I was distracted by Cruise’s Middle Tooth. Then? I was grossed out beyond belief at the sex scene between Cruise and Kelly McGillis.
Cruise was flicking his tongue into McGillis’s mouth like a goddamned monitor lizard before the scene changed to — I don’t know. I suddenly became interested in my Cherry Coke. I also realized something important about myself:
Sex scenes gross me right the hell out.
Why is this? Is it because I grew up in the 80s and most of the movies I was allowed to watch had a lot of bared breasts, heavy breathing, humping, and sweat-drenched simulated fucking? I mean, probably. I guess?
I just don’t want to watch anyone simulating their Vinegar Strokes face in the middle of an otherwise amazing movie. Or in the middle of an otherwise shit movie. Just as I don’t need to see someone get in a car and drive to a building to know how they got there, I don’t need to see Tom Cruise ineffectually dry-humping a co-star to know they had sex.
I mean, have you ever seen something so awkward and cringe-inducing as this:
Sex scenes have been filmed in much the same way for decades now and blech.
Maybe it’s time to let the sex scene go the way of the buffalo unless it really adds an important element to the story. Because sex scenes are super gross, kids, but real sex should be as nasty as possible.