Exploring the Most Important Question in the History of Internet
You will find a lot of think pieces on the Internet devoted to politics (Obama vs. Romney), how technology has changed the way we consume media (cable boxes vs. Netflix), the gender composition on television (Labia Saturation vs. Assholes), and how we view movies (To 3D or Not to 3D). But if you take porn out of the equation — a topic best viewed but not discussed — the three most popular subjects on the entire Internet are these: Puppies, Kittens, and Babies. The debates between Peeta vs. Gale, Edward vs. Jacob, and Madonna vs. Lady Gaga shrink by comparison when it comes to the sheer percentage of Internet real-estate devoted to these topics. For instance, upstart aggregator Buzzfeed regularly features posts devoted to puppies (e.g., Puppies Eating Ice Cream), kittens (e.g., Cats hanging out in shoes), and babies (e.g., 45 Babies wearing glasses)
But no one has really paused and attempted to get inside the psychology of our obsession. What is it about adorable kittens, cute puppies, and captivating babies that attracts our attention? And why is it that most people fall into one camp, instead of two or three? Why are some people dog people, and some people cat people, and why are those two constituencies so hostile toward baby people?
I don’t understand these phenomena, myself. Personally, I am anti-cute puppy and adorable kitten, and I believe that devoting even a fraction of our unlimited Internet space to these two subjects is antithetical to good taste. I think it’s dopey. I currently write for a site that I love despite the fact that Corgi Fridays is a popular weekly feature, and where a post comparing dogs to “Mad Men” characters was one of the most popular of last week. I respect it, but I don’t get it. But show me an adorable baby, and I will awww with the best of them. However, if I were to feature a Baby Friday post on Warming Glow, I would likely be flayed alive. Why? Why do Corgi people hate babies? Why are baby people indifferent to Corgis?
What is the deal? Why is America fractured among these lines? Why can’t we love all adorable things? What are the factors that pull us apart? How can one person love adorable kittens but hate adorable babies? It’s a total mindfuck.
Explain yourselves. Are you a puppy person, a kitten person, or a baby person. Why?
Here’s a poll.
Here are the exhibits:
What I do know is that, before life beats us down, before all the societal pressures pulls us into different camps, we begin life with no biases. We are all kitten people. We are all puppy people. We are all baby people.