Last year on April 19th an Iranian Cleric named Hojatoleslam Kazem Seddiqi said “Many women who do not dress modestly lead young men astray, corrupt their chastity and spread adultery in society which increases earthquakes” and went on to advise his listeners to live their lives by Islam’s moral codes in order to avoid being “buried under the rubble.” A Purdue University student named Jennifer McCreight proposed the idea of a controlled experiment in which women would deliberately wear immodest clothing and the seismic activity for the day would be monitored in order to prove that cleavage does not, in fact, kill. Thus was the original Boobquake born, taking place on April 26th, and a glorious and fleshy day it was indeed.
This year, on March 14th, three days after Japan experienced a devastating series of earthquakes followed by a tsunami, (see here for full, terrifying details) Glenn Beck stated: “We can’t see the connections here. Now look, I’m not saying God is, you know, causing earthquakes. Well — I’m not saying that he — I’m not NOT saying that either.” He went on to say exactly what he thought the solution would be: “Don’t do anything stupid, what do you say we follow the big top ten. You can call them Moses’s ten commandments or ten rules of thumb. What do you say we start doing those things? Because the things we are doing really suck and they’re not getting better.”
(The part quoted above starts around 12:30 in, or you can read the transcript here.)
Now, I have nothing against the ten commandments, but I’m pretty certain that if you worship false idols, commit adultery, and fail to keep the Sabbath holy you don’t cause earthquakes, you just lose your spot in line for heaven. Earthquakes are caused by plate tectonics, and the reason a really big earthquake hit Japan has a hell of a lot more to do with the fact that Japan sits on a spot where the North American plate, the Pacific plate, and the Filipino plate come together than whether someone has been coveting their neighbor’s wife. More to the point, it’s breathtakingly arrogant and disgusting to take a natural disaster that has killed thousands of people and devastated an entire country and use it to scare people into living their lives the way you think they should. To say to people who have lost loved ones, who have lost their homes, who are still experiencing deadly aftershocks and fighting the worst nuclear disaster in 25 years that there was anything about that natural disaster they could have done something about is abhorrent and should warrant universal outrage. I haven’t considered myself a religious person for a while now, but the message I took away from the New Testament was one of love, acceptance, and charity. Mr.Beck’s words have nothing to do with love, acceptance or charity and everything to do with spreading fear and judgment.
Last year’s Boobquake centered around women dressing provocatively because, well, that’s what what under attack. For this year, similar displays are welcome (as they always are) but in order to make it a more equal opportunity event, we can bring all those ten commandments into the game. Find yourself a false idol to worship, take the Lord’s name in vain a few dozen times (extra points for creativity!), covet the hell out of someone’s property, and so forth and so on. Obviously I don’t encourage hitting all ten; no one gets to steal, murder, or cheat on their spouse and blame it on me or Glenn Beck.
Or, you can take a moment and donate to one of the organizations working to help the Japanese people through this crisis, which is probably a hell of a lot closer to what this Jesus guy I keep hearing about would actually want you to do. I’m planning to on April 26th, in addition to breaking out the push up bras and low cut tops. No reason I can’t be philanthropic in more than one way.
Fox has already decided to end Glenn Beck’s talk show due to poor ratings and an exodus of advertisers. Let’s make sure that door leaves a big mark when it slams shut on his ass.
Intern Rusty is a Masters student at the University of Miami. You can learn more about her at Rusty’s Ventures. She anticipates that there will be many people who are unhappy with her views of Mr.Beck’s comments, and not a fuck does she give.