The first trailer for Rogue One (ok, “Rogue One: A Star Wars Story,” ugh ugh) landed this morning, and it has EVERYTHING.
Felicity Jones as Jyn Erso (official spelling), space scoundrel. Freakishly accurate Mon Mothma casting. (She may or may not be played by Genevieve Riley, who was supposed to play Mon Mothma in Revenge of the Sith, but got cut.) And some dudes I guess, including Diego Luna getting his smolder on, Forrest Whitaker monologuing, and Donnie Yen beating people up, as is his Donnie Yen wont.
And something else: SPACE CAPES.
Here is where I got that sweet space cape, LEGO Lando!
First up is Ben Mendelsohn, aka Bendelsohn (lock it in, it’s official) playing some sort of Grand Moff Tarkin-esque Imperial official. This is some cape:
With a slit in the back for added swish factor/to show off those sexy gams, we bet? BREAKING NEWS: This character is Force sensitive, because otherwise how in the fuck is he able to keep that cape so Chiclet teeth clean? Does he have a full platoon of Stormtroopers following him around with Tide To Go stain remover pens? Inquiring minds, etc. etc.
Next up: DONNIE YEN.
He moves pretty fast at shish kabob-ing that Stormtrooper up, so I’m not entirely sure whether this even is a cape? It might be a weird, asymmetrical coat. Or it could be a short ‘n’ kicky off-the shoulder cape, constructed for maximum swish, which is the best kind of cape there is, frankly.
And finally: VADER CAPE.
Or… I don’t know, is this Vader? The silhouette looks off to me. It’s more like a hood than DV’s iconic helmet + cape combo. They’re definitely calling up some Vaderian imagery, though. It hasn’t been confirmed that Vader will even be in Rogue One, though given the subject matter—a group of scrappy rogues are tasked with stealing the plans for the Death Star, but
WHERE R U, BOTHANS? [That was the second Death Star. I am ashamed.]—it seems likely that he’d have at least a small cameo. As it stands, this cape (or “cape?”) just looks like a big black blob, and I’ll have to reserve judgement until I see more of it. Really, I’m more interested in whether Vader’s going to keep the dick hatch.
Official, no-take-backs ranking: Best cape, Mendehlson; second best cape, Donnie Yen; third best cape pending more information, Black Blob Cape. Good night, and my flights of sweet space capes take thee to thy rest.