Every once in a while, you find yourself in a jam. When I hear “jam,” I think, “peanut butter,” but really, that’s just an even stickier mess. And a sticky mess needs extra hands to help clean it up…you see where I’m going here, right? Brothers, with hands!
1. For Thoughtful Emotional Advice, Love Quandaries and Etiquette Issues: The Brothers Crane
Not sure if you’re cut out to raise a child? Don’t know how to approach your unrequited love? Overly competitive? Unsure which wine goes with the Cassoulet? Let Niles and Frasier be your guides to the good life.
2. For Emergency Childcare, Familial Support, Recording Your First Single and a Good Kitchen Dance: The Brothers Braverman
Need a couple of down to earth, solid guys who will really be there when you need them—whether they want to or not—Adam and Crosby are your guys. Midnight run to the hospital? Need a loan? The dancing might be bad, but your soul will feel warm.
3. For When You’re Sent out on Your Own, Learning to Be Independent, and Matters of Honor: The Half-Brothers Snow and Stark
Mom just kicked you out and winter is coming. You need direction, the lay of the land and a code to live by. Declare yourself king! That chick says you know nothing, but you’ll prove her wrong. Jon and Robb will teach you how to make your way in the world.
4. For Medical or Legal Advice, and Fun Spa Days Together: The Brothers Walker
Overcoming addiction and could use a sponsor—or just a pal to go with you to meetings? Caught up trying to make sense of some mumbo jumbo fifty page contract? Need a gossipy day by the pool, talking some shit about Balthazar Getty—maybe a massage? Grab a towel and meet up with Justin and Kevin.
5. For Breaking in or out of Jail (or Wherever): The Half Brothers Burrows and Scofield
Locked up, but you’re innocent? Stuck someplace with no way out? Granny needs busting from an abusive rest home? Michael and Lincoln have experience on both sides of the fence, and they’re not afraid of self-sacrifice.
6. For Time Traveling Puzzles, and to Stop Skynet from Killing Us All: The Brothers Reese
Who knows where we are in this war against the machines? Where and when is John Connor? I’ll tell you what, it’s all a little confusing if you think about it too much, but Kyle and Derek are dedicated to saving our asses…wherever and whenever they may be. If your MacBook seems just a little too intuitive today, you know what to do (smash it with a hammer and call the boys).
7. For Kicking Demon, Ghost and Vampire Ass: The Brothers Winchester
Listen, I have no personal experience with these two, but word on the street is: if you’ve got a monster problem, call the boys. Dean and Sam: 1-800-SPRNTRL
8. For When You Need to Win (a War, a Game, a Bet…) at Any Cost: The Brothers Lannister
Let’s face it, neither Jaime nor Tyrion would win a contest of honor—but any other contest? Hell to the yeah. Smart, witty, deadly, wily, scrappy, deceptive, and sometimes just plain lucky, these are the boys who will win.
9. For Surviving the Zombie Apocalypse: The Brothers Dixon
You want to live? Put yourself in the middle of the Daryl-Merle sandwich. It might be nasty on one side, but you need these fiercely loyal boys together to survive.