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We've Done This To Ourselves!

By Brian Prisco | Lists | January 12, 2011 |

By Brian Prisco | Lists | January 12, 2011 |

When my girlfriend finished watching 127 Hours, she said she enjoyed it, but she couldn’t help thinking of J. Walter Weatherman and the importance of “That’s why you always leave a note!” And it’s true. Aron Ralston saved himself heroically, but he’s also the one who put himself in there in the first place. The opening sequence of the film pretty much catalogues all the opportunities he had to not screw up and how he clearly did. There’ve been a number of films where the protagonists have pretty much fucked up everything and then proceed to continue fucking everything up throughout the film. It was their own damned pride that caused their downfalls or misfortunes. They’ve got nobody to blame but themselves.

Bud FoxWall Street

Eager to please Gordon Gekko, Bud sells out his father’s airline company through insider trading information. He immediately latches on to the teat of success, which quickly turns sour after Bud keeps up with the illicit dealings. Then, he sells out his mentor to the SEC.

Tom Hansen(500) Days of Summer

Sure, it’s a sweet little flick, but all his bitching and moaning and tormented soul bullshit is pretty much because he can’t nut up after his fucking heartbreak over Summer Finn. If he wasn’t such a whiny little bitch about it, it’d be a fucking short film.

Stephen GlassShattered Glass

Based on the true story, Stephen Glass worked for The New Republic, where he rose quickly to fame after essentially faking a number of stories to keep ahead of his peers.

TomLock, Stock, and Two Smoking Barrels

Tom thought he’d make some easy money for himself and his pals with his card playing skills. Instead, he lost all their money. Which was bad enough. But then they decide to pull a robbery, and everything goes quickly to shit.

Roy MunsenKingpin

A bowling prodigy, he gets duped into hustling by Ernie McCracken, but he’s still a fucking hustler. And it costs him his hand.


Simply put, he wasn’t even supposed to fucking work that day. And so he shouldn’t have gone in.

Christopher McCandlessInto the Wild

This rich punk decides to wander the country to find himself, whatever the fuck that means. He crosses any number of people who love and care for him — including the parents and sister who encourage him to follow his dumbass dream — but instead feels that he has to go off to the wilderness to freeze to death in a fucking bus.

EveryoneRequiem for a Dream

From the diet-pill addicted mother trying to get on a game show, to her son who loses his arm, to his best friend who ends up in prison with him, to his girlfriend who ends up doing sex-shows for smack, all of them thought they could find better living through chemistry. WRONG.

The Guys in the R.V.Judgment Night

These dipshits thought they were better than everyone else, and so they just had to skip traffic to get to the boxing match. And then they didn’t mind their own business and they crossed Leary.

Christine BrownDrag Me to Hell

Never, ever cross gypsies. She thought she’d be a big shot, and now she’s burning in hell.

Dustin is the founder and co-owner of Pajiba. You may email him here, follow him on Twitter, or listen to his weekly TV podcast, Podjiba.

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