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Traveling Down The Etsy Rabbit Hole That Began With A Bracelet Of Teeth

By Kristy Puchko | Lists | October 16, 2015 |

By Kristy Puchko | Lists | October 16, 2015 |

A hobby on mine is browsing Etsy, either for unexpected gifts or unique statement necklaces, like this T-rex skull affair. But as with all browsing algorithms, results can get a bit wonky. For instance, I bought one pillow with a pug on it as a gift, and now my Etsy recommendations as overwhelmed with all things snub-nosed dog.

But my browsing last night took a very weird turn when this boutique browsing site considered my interest in a T-Rex skull etched from wood and assumed it meant I might be into the “Denture Bracelet” pictured above. This led me down a rabbit hole that revealed a side of the cutesy kitschy craft site I never knew existed. Here’s what I learned.

Teeth is major point of inspiration for one jewelry designer.
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And he’s not alone. Someone thought downtown teeth would be a fun graphic for a pair of panties. They come in glow-in-the-dark and “shiny and chrome,” so choose your sexy time trauma.
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Yet, I’m more disturbed by this take on the popular pussycat panty, because GOOD LORD IT’S TORN A CAVITY THROUGH HER LADY PARTS!
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Another unexpected muse is dismembered baby doll arms. Buy them for your children’s bedrooms, and they’ll never sleep again.

From there I stumbled into Etsy’s taxidermy section, where I learned a popular trend is Critter Under the Influence, like “Squirrel Taxidermy 420 Happy High Guy Flippin Da Bird.”
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Or “Drunken Duckling little party animal.”
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And most memorable “Coke Overdose Party Mice,” for the man who has everything.
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Then I hit this fork in my road of dark Etsy discovery.
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“Wet specimen?” There are just some things you shouldn’t search. Especially when they’re thumbnails boast warnings like this:
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Returning to comfort zone!
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Sure. Fine. Whatever.

Kristy Puchko spends too much time on Etsy.

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Kristy Puchko is the managing editor of Pajiba. You can follow her on Twitter.