I had earnest intentions of composing a lengthy and comprehensive Summer Movie Preview today, but sometime around 3:45 a.m. last night, as I was driving around a desolate city searching (in vain) for just one goddamn bottle of Children’s Tylenol or Motrin in this godforsaken nation that hadn’t been recalled, I realized that I’d have to find a way to short-cut this piece. A child’s illness is four times more challenging than your own (and it’s often compounded once you contract that sickness). And because Mrs. Pajiba-hyphenate is a very important person who was due in court to do very important things, I was put on parenting duty for the day.
In other words, my child’s illness is your gain. Now, you don’t even have to pretend to skim the blurbs of beautiful prose: You can simply gawk at the images and take issue with the actual list in the comments below when you’re done without worrying that you’re repeating something I already wrote that you didn’t have enough time to read in between pretending to do work at your real job.
One note: It’s probably something I’ve written ahead of every Summer Blockbuster Preview I’ve ever written, but this time, I really mean it. The state of the summer blockbuster slate is sad in 2010. There are exactly four and a half movies I’m actually enthusiastic about this summer — the rest of the list looks like films I’m not anticipating as much as I’m not as bothered about their existence as the rest of the meek summer slate (Marmaduke, Sex and the City 2, Twilight: Eclipse, etc.). There’s not even a potential sleeper hit like Hangover this summer.
So, without any more ado, here are the Ten Most Anticipated Summer Blockbusters as Represented by the Leading Actors in Various Stages of Undress.
10. The A-Team
9. Jonah Hex
6. The Other Guys
5. Knight and Day
4. Toy Story 3
3. Scott Pilgrim vs. The World
2. Iron Man 2