The Many Faces of Katherine Heigl
I know many of you are sick to death of my Rainbow Killer bashing. I’ve tried to let it go. Honestly. I want to. I’ve sought therapy. I’ve talked to clergy people. I tried acupuncture and hypnotism. It doesn’t work. I can’t let it go.
I had been able, for the most part, to simply repress my disdain for Katherine Heigl. I stopped watching “Grey’s Anatomy” a couple of years ago, and it’s been 15 months since 27 Dresses opened. So, besides a few The Ugly Truth trailers and the occasional news story pertaining to her status on “Greys,” I’d at least successfully put her out of my mind.
But now she’s back with this new romantic comedy, which comes out tomorrow. Despite the formulaic misery that the trailers suggest, I’m still willing to give The Ugly Truth the benefit of the doubt. I like Gerard Butler, although his movies haven’t given me much reason to. And I’ll concede that Katherine Heigl is a serviceable actress, if given the right role. Cruella De Vil comes to mind. Romantic comedy leads, however, do not suit her. Why? Because behind those huge, gleaming fake smiles, she’s incapable of hiding her disdain for the rest of the world. In every single interview I’ve seen of her, Heigl does nothing but display a narcissistic egotism characterized by passive-aggressive pettiness.
Take, for instance, her appearance on Letterman this week. If you’re self-loathing, you can watch the complete interview:
Putting aside her history of saying grotesquely insensitive and innapropriate things about the projects and people she’s worked with (often under the guise of feminism), she demonstrates why I dislike her so much in the first three minutes of this interview. In it, she says that the “GA” cast and crew are “like her family,” yet she doesn’t pass up an opportunity to take as many swipes at the show as possible and suggest in no uncertain terms that she doesn’t want to be there, that she’s above it, and that something she’s being paid millions of dollars to do is “mean,” “cruel,” and keeping her from “having a life.”
Maybe I’m seeing her through murky glasses tinted with my own biases against socio-cultural elitism, but even in pictures of her, all I see is self-righteousness. She seems to posses the same stuck-up attitude of Gwyneth Paltrow, but I don’t feel as though Heigl has even earned it, and she certainly doesn’t have the acting blue-blood of Paltrow to back up the snobbery. Indeed, Heigl is spoiled, preadolescent beauty pageant brat stuck in the body of a 31-year-old actress. She believes that the world owes her a favor for blessing us with her presence, and despite what her faces says, her eyes always express disdain.
And with that, here are the many faces of Katherine Heigl, and in all of them, she’s either looking down on you, or sticking her nose up at you. And maybe, if you see what I see behind her expressions, you’ll understand why I dislike her so much.
The “Full-busted Loathing” Pose
The “I-Fucking-Can’t-Stand-You” Pose
The “My-Ring-Is-Bigger-than-Yours, Bitch” Pose
Patronizing Smile from the Left
Patronizing Smile from the Right
The Poor People Scoff
The “Grin-and-Bear It Until Someone Brings Me My Coffee” Pose
The “You Suck But If You’re Lucky I Might Fuck You” Pose
The “You Fucking Wish” Pose