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The 10 Worst Lays -- Superhero Edition

By Dustin Rowles | Lists | June 9, 2009 |

By Dustin Rowles | Lists | June 9, 2009 |

10. Rebis (DC Comics Doom Patrol): A divine hermaphrodite whose unique life cycle is based on an event called the Aenigma Regis, in which it throws off its old body and gives birth to a new version of itself; in describing its paradoxical existence, Rebis often likens itself to Russian dolls, and to an ouroboros.

9. Maggot (X-Men): A flamboyant South African mutant who spoke in exaggerated Afrikaans slang, Maggott was advertised as one of the strangest X-Men. His digestive system took the form of two slugs which could eat through practically any substance. After feeding, the slugs reentered Maggott’s abdomen and passed nourishment into him, giving him incredible power.

8. Jack B. Quick (Alan Moore’s America’s Best Comics): Jonothon Beauregard Quick is a boy genius who lives in the fictional farming town of Queerwater Creek, Kansas. He spends the majority of his time inventing incredible things, most of which tend to backfire, despite his best efforts. Jack is oblivious to the fact that his tinkering “in God’s domain” has made his parents quietly suicidal. Also, who wants a lover named Jack B. Quick?

7. The Comedian (Watchmen): The Comedian was a cigar-chomping, gun-toting vigilante-turned-paramilitary agent. When he first became a costumed adventurer in 1939, he dressed in a clown-like costume with a simple domino mask. A brutal vigilante, after a photography shoot, Blake attempts to rape fellow Minuteman Silk Spectre.

6. Flemgem (Section 8 Comics): A sickly, thin, bald man in a green suit and a purple domino mask who has the ability to produce and expel large volumes of phlegm, which can blind, suffocate, or simply gross out evildoers.

5. Barnacle Boy (“Spongebob Squarepants”): An aged superheroe that lives in a retirement home whom SpongeBob and Patrick watch on television.

4. Dead Girl Marvel’s X-Statix Series): She is a mixture of ghost and zombie. Physically deceased, her mutation triggered by death, Dead Girl can command any body part severed from her and rebuild her molecular structure from virtually any physical attack, regardless of how much damage or destruction she sustains, even if reduced to a skeleton. She can safely “survive” toxic conditions deadly to anyone else

3. Miles Peterson (Bibleman): wealthy businessman who found purpose when he found a Bible in the rain and saw the power of God. Becomes Bibleman by donning a high-tech suit of armor based on the book of Ephesians.he weilds a lightsaber like sword. Played by Willie Aames.

2. Arm Fall Off Boy (DC Comics): Arm Fall Off Boy has the ability to detach his own limbs, which he can then use as blunt weapons. He applied, but was rejected from, the Legion of Superheroes.

1. Rogue (The X-Men): Rogue was born as a mutant. More so than any other, Rogue considers her powers a curse: she involuntarily absorbs the memories, physical strength, and (in the case of superpowered persons) the abilities of anyone she touches. This potentially fatal power prevents her from making any physical contact with others.

(Character descriptions provided by Wikipedia)

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Dustin is the founder and co-owner of Pajiba. You may email him here, follow him on Twitter, or listen to his weekly TV podcast, Podjiba.