For a brief second last week, I wondered, “What if Battleship was actually good?” It’s been such an easy, yet dependably funny target for months now, but maybe director Peter Berg managed to make something magical happen with his directorial talents. Which talents? ALL OF THEM. But now I see that Battleship has a 41% on Rotten Tomatoes, and it’s the piece of expensive crap we thought it would be all this time. Oh well.
But hey, at least it’s got Tim Riggins and Landry Clarke from “Friday Night Lights”! Since “FNL” ended on February 9, 2011, it’s been a shaky year-and-a-half for the (East) Dillon Panthers, cinematically speaking. I took a look at every movie the show’s 10 main stars — Kyle Chandler, Connie Britton, Aimee Teegarden, Zach Gilford, Jesse Plemons, Taylor Kitsch, Adrianne Palicki, Scott Porter, Minka Kelly, and Michael B. Jordan (Gaius Charles hasn’t really done anything, so he’s exempt) — have done since it went off the air, and ranked them from worst to best. It’s…not pretty. Can Landry just be on “Breaking Bad” already? Or bring back “Bent”!
#14. Zach Gilford as Evan in Answers to Nothing
#13. Aimee Teegarden as Abby in Beneath the Darkness
#12. Scott Porter as Phillip McGregor in Ten Year
#11. Minka Kelly as Joanna Damon in Just Go with It
#10. Minka Kelly as Sara Matthews in The Roommate
#9. Aimee Teegarden as Nova Prescott in Prom
#8. Michael B. Jordan as Maurice Wilson in Red Tails
#7. Minka Kelly as Eden Mercer in Searching for Sonny
#6. Connie Britton as Gloria in Conception
#5. Taylor Kitsch as John Carter in John Carter
#4. Kyle Chandler as Jackson Lamb in Super 8
#3. Jesse Plemons as Jake in Paul
#2. Aimee Teegarden as Jenny Randall in Scream 4
#1. Michael B. Jordan as Steve Montgomery in Chronicle