Rifftrax, the current home of Michael J. Nelson, Kevin Murphy, and Bill Corbett of Mystery Science Theater 3000 fame, decided to poll fans for the worst movies of the 90s. According to Rifftrax’s site, more than 250,000 people chimed in with their picks for sh*ttiest flick of the decade of day glo and slap bracelets.
You’ll never believe what’s at number 1!
Just kidding, number one is incredibly spot on. You can check the Rifftrax breakdown of vote counts, read their descriptions, or buy the riffs for these movies at the link above. I’ve also included links for those horrible movies that have been tackled on How Did This Get Made, the Earwolf podcast hosted by Paul Scheer, Jason Mantzoukas, and June Diane Raphael. You are welcome!
It’s a sequel to a movie starring Sandra Bullock and Keanu Reeves that stars Sandra Bullock, Jason Patric, Willem Dafoe, and a slow-ass cruise ship. Everyone in the movie only took part so they could do other movies and it absolutely shows.
19. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III
I don’t even remember this sequel. Apparently the heroes in a half-shell are transported to feudal Japan? Or something? Feh.
18. The Island of Dr. Moreau
This re-make of the 1977 flick of the same name stars a crazy Val Kilmer, a half-cat Fairuza Balk, David Thewlis, and batsh*t insane Marlon Brando. Brando is the titular Dr., breeder of manimals and first place winner of the Bad Idea Toga competition.
17. The Blair Witch Project
Listen, I don’t think this movie belongs on this list. Sure, it can be difficult for audiences to see the allure of such a flick after the barrage of found footage and the advent of cell phones. I get that. But this movie was groundbreaking.
This should tell you everything you need to know about Anaconda: I’ve seen The Room twice and I couldn’t make it through more than thirty minutes of this turd.
15. Highlander II: The Quickening
The name sounds like a fart joke. Is this movie one huge fart joke? I’m going to pretend it’s one elaborate fart joke.
14. Spice World
13. Mortal Kombat: Annihilation
It’s the sequel to the terrible Mortal Kombat, starring all different people and released 2 years later. Alas, the effects never got any more special for our heroes.
12. Street Fighter
This movie is golden just for Jean-Claude Van Damme’s rousing “The War Is Over, We Can Go Home” speech.
I’ve never seen this, but I’ve heard there are flopping labia and underwater sex. Gross.
Kevin Costner and his inanimate face travel a world covered in water while chased by Dennis Hopper. I think he throws a kid at some point.
9. Cool As Ice
Vanilla Ice suggests that you drop that zero and get with a hero, in which case that hero would be Ice himself. Yep yep.
You guys, this is starting to hurt. Does anyone else smell colors and taste sound? Pauly Shore and Stephen Baldwin are idiots. Wait, is that the premise of the movie too?
7. Troll 2
A man takes his family on vacation to a place called Nilbog, which is Goblin spelled backwards. So, if this town is Goblin, why is this movie called Troll 2? Is there a Troll 1 or is this like Boggy Creek II: The Legend Continues?
I just…here’s the description from IMDB:
“Being a lone young boy in the ‘hood” is dangerous and unpleasant. This is what Max experiences when he fools a gang of local toughs who cornered him at school. The gang finds out that the key he gave them is of no value in committing a robbery, and they chase him through the streets of his neighborhood, bent on revenge. He tries to escape by slipping into the open door of an old warehouse, but they follow him there, too. While running from them through aisles filled with all kinds of stuff, he bumps into an old boom box. By doing that, he manages to release Kazaam, a genie who has been held captive for thousands of years. In order to stay free, Kazaam must give Max three wishes.”
Matthew Broderick was the star of the American attempt at bringing gojira to the screen. The movie messed up the look of the iconic monster and also intimated that Godzilla is either a lady or hermaphrodite of some sort. Godzilla’s size also greatly varied, depending on whether he was crushing building or pooping eggs into Madison Square Garden.
4. Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace
At least it didn’t have space politics in it, am I right?
This movie was filled with all of the hallmarks of the iconic video game. It had actual plumbing work! A farting pile of goo! Jello Biafra! An alternate universe filled with anthropomorphous dinosaurs! Mario Mario and Luigi Mario, not-brother but sort of dad and son people! F&ck this movie.
Xenu informs me that I will not receive my monthly dose of thetans if I besmirch this glorious visual representation of the majesty that is L. Ron Hubbard. ALL HAIL TOM CRUISE.
This was the first Batman movie that made me want to walk out of the theater.