So we know that Agent Dale Cooper got out of the Black Lodge somehow, with the impending return of Twin Peaks on Showtime in 2016. OR DO WE (seriously, I have no idea what to expect, considering co-creator Mark Frost won’t even confirm if it’s accurate to refer to the new episodes as season three). Either way, that means Kyle MacLachlan will soon grace our televisions again, but he’s been keeping himself busy with bit roles these past 25 years. Here’s a ranking of his best TV side projects, and a breakdown of what makes a Kyle MacLachlan role (because they all tend to share the same overall traits). Sit back with your coffee, and Diane, make sure you get all of this.
7. Donovan Stark, Made in New Jersey
Sure, put him in the Pacific Northwest or New England, but the man does not belong in the armpit of America.
MacLachlan traits: blue blood/rich, white collar figure
6. David Swain, In Justice
I didn’t realize Michelle and Robert King created this show before The Good Wife, a crime procedural focusing on the wrongly accused, and now I’m wondering which beloved character was killed off. MacLachlan played a do-gooder lawyer with honest intentions.
MacLachlan traits: blue blood/rich, enthusiasm, white collar figure
5. Trey MacDougal, Sex and the City
I’m ashamed to say this was my introduction to MacLachlan, so it’s the role I most associate him with. I’m sorry, Internet.
MacLachlan traits: blue blood/rich, overly enthusiastic (boats, his mother), hella quirky
3. George Van Smoot, a.k.a. the Captain, How I Met Your Mother
You can’t tell whether he’s smiling with his eyes or if he wants to murder you, but the Captain is always well-intentioned and VERY passionate about boats.
MacLachlan traits: blue blood/rich, overly enthusiastic (boats, art), hella quirky
2. Mayor, Portlandia
He returned to the Northwest to run the most Northwest city there is, because who else would feel bad about using SO much power for his always-hungry printer that he’d run off and create his own commune? No one, that’s who. OK, maybe BOB, too.
MacLachlan traits: overly enthusiastic (Portland, new city initiatives), hella quirky
1. Josh Perotti, The Good Wife
His character’s relationship with Elsbeth is the show’s truest OTP. They should eat Indian food and sit on the same side of a booth forever and ever.
MacLachlan traits: hella quirky, mysterious, white collar figure