Never in my life have I said to my wife, “It’d be really great if you smelled more like Penelope Cruz,” in part because I don’t know what Penelope Cruz smells like, and in part because I value my testicles. But apparently, celebrities — and in some cases, high-profile directors — are the idea pitch-people for fragrances. I don’t get it, but then again, I’m not the market. I’m not sure who that market is. Has anyone here ever bought a celebrity fragrance? And did you go home and say to your significant other, “Ravish me! I smell like Eva Mendes?”
Below I have ranked seven random celebrity fragrance commercials based on, well, my brain says style, but my tingly nethers say raciness.
Khloe Kardashian and Lamar Odom — Unbreakable
Awesome. You can smell like a locker room and the sister of a manufactured celebrity at the same time. And it’s unisex.
Christina Aguilera — Royal Desire
The tagline says, “Feel like a queen,” but the commercial says, “On sale at Target.”
Natalie Portman — Miss Dior Cherie
This one is directed by Sofia Coppola, and at least the product is frequently in the frame, although there’s not a lot to be said for nuzzling a perfume bottle.
Keira Knightley — Chanel Coco Mademoiselle
Director Joe Wright knows how to sell a fragrance. She pouts. She wears zip-up pants. She rides a motorcycle. She must smell delicious, right?
Charlize Theron — Dior J’Adore Perfume
The woman knows how to take off a pair of earrings. And you have to admire that neck. It’s so long.
Eva Mendes — Secret Obsession
Oops. Ms. Mendes let a nipple get away from her here.
Beyonce — Heat
Man, I don’t know if a sweaty, nearly nude Beyonce would make me want to buy her fragrance, but it certainly makes me want to watch the ad. Again.