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Pajiba's First Annual Woodie Awards

By Joanna Robinson | Lists | April 25, 2011 |

By Joanna Robinson | Lists | April 25, 2011 |

We’re four months into 2011 and I thought it the perfect time to look back at the Film Year that was 2010. Now that the stings from arrows of outrageously bad acting have faded. Now that the golden glow of awards season pomposity has dimmed. Now is the time to turn an admiring eye to the things we have seen, the impressions that have lingered. I’d like to take this opportunity, then, to celebrate the under appreciated art of Wooden Acting, to acknowledge those performers who, in the last year, took expressionlessness to new, dazzling heights. Take our poster girl Kristen Stewart, for example. That photo may want to say, “Look! Wow! There’s A Dove/Pigeon/Winged Rat On My Hand!” Her eyes, however, quietly murmur, “Look In My Pupils, Ye Mighty, And Despair. You Will Find No Meaning, Emotion or Life There. Only The Nothing.”

And listen, you plebs, you can’t just roll out of the make-up trailer and put on a non-performance of that caliber. It’s not simply bad acting and it takes months and months of indifference to achieve. So let’s revel in the very best Wooden Acting 2010 had to offer. You’ll see some faces both familiar and new. These are truly the dead-eyed, the leaden featured, the dullards. We’ll ne’er see their like again.

Most Wooden Achievement By An Actor In A Leading Role:
Channing Tatum Dear John
Most Wooden Achievement By An Actress In A Leading Role:
Kristen Stewart The Runaways
Most Wooden Achievement By An Actor In A Supporting Role:
Sir Ben Kingsley Prince of Persia
Most Wooden Achievement By An Actress In A Supporting Role:
Megan Fox Jonah Hex
Most Wooden Achievement By An Ensemble:
The Cast of The Twilight Saga: Eclipse
Breakthrough Wooden Achievements:
Noah Ringer and Nicola Peltz The Last Airbender

Joanna Robinson is curious how many boats Sir Ben Kingsley really needs. Don’t you have enough of our BloodRayne money, sir? Email! Twitter!

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