As our long running series shows, Pajiba wants to help you become the best “you” you can be. And as such, sometimes we like to help you answer important questions. Today’s important question: should I threaten to rape someone? Let’s investigate.
“I think it’ll be a great/ funny idea to threaten to rape someone.”
“But the person I want to threaten to rape is losing in an online video game. So am I good?”
“What about when I’m interacting with a woman on social media. Rape threats are cool there, right?”
“So not on social media. But what if it’s in person? Like if she’s at my comedy show, and objects to a rape joke I made. I can’t just not threaten rape.”
“Ok, but what if I’m a drunken dude- bro on the Bachelorette, and a different dude- bro asks why I have my shirt off? What option do I have other than to ask him why I’m not raping him right now?”
“Just to be clear, I didn’t mean that last one as a joke. ‘I’m really trying to tell the other guy that [I’d] destroy him.’”
“There must be some situation where it’s cool to threaten rape though. I can’t be expected to keep all of these wicked rape threats inside.”
I’m so glad you asked. There are situations where it’s cool to tell someone you are going to/ want to rape them:
1.) You’re playing a rapist in a movie/ TV show/ play.
That is it.
Of course this advice isn’t legally binding, and you’re free to continue behaving in whatever douche- bagy way you’d like. But remember, most people aren’t really cool with rape threats. You’ll face public condemnation or get kicked off a bad reality show or just be viewed as a total asshole. The spirit of Patron Saint Fictional Joan Crawford stills haunts these parts, and we know here sacred pray well.