Bob’s Burgers had its fifth season premiere last night, and in the episode we were treated to not just one, but two (really three) high-concept 80s movie stage musical adaptations. We had Die Hard the Musical:
And Working Girl the Musical:
These two new musicals have something very important in common: The world now seems like a darker place in knowing they don’t actually exist (yet). But they should! They would fit right in with the current musical adaptation phenomenon. Rocky the Musical is on Broadway, The Silence of the Lambs has its own musical parody. Mean Girls the Musical has been announced and is being adapted as I type. Sometimes there is a movie that is so fantastic, so engaging, so over-the-top in whatever way, it screams out to have ridiculous songs and dance numbers added to it. Here are nine great movies that absolutely need their own terrible musical adaptations, ASAP.
9. The Breakfast Club
“No Dad, what about you?!” There’s already a stage version of the movie. Throw some 80s pop ballads in there and you’ve got yourself a musical.
8. The Fault in Our Stars
In musicals, the characters often start to sing when their emotions have reached a height where they can’t be expressed through normal speech. Hazel has a LOT OF FEELINGS, and while doesn’t feel comfortable speaking her heart, she can SING IT!
7. The Hunger Games
Like Hazel, Katniss has so many FEELINGS, and she just can’t open up to anyone. She can only express herself through DANCE!
6. Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf?
The musical based on the movie based on the play, this is the story of two couples who drink and fight to the point where they can only express their rage through song. This wouldn’t be your typical jolly musical romp:
Featuring the opening number, “What a Dump”
And the great pre-intermission song:
Watching this boy and his family grow over the course of 12 years is oddly emotionally taxing. For even more heartstring tugging, give Mason a puberty solo.
4. Close Encounters of the Third Kind
The aliens already communicate through song— this is a no brainer. Plus Richard Dreyfuss has all of these feelings he doesn’t understand! Let him SING! THIS MEANS SOMETHING!
3. There Will Be Blood
Featuring the Village People’s showstopping “Milkshake”
2. The Fugitive
“I didn’t kill my wife!”
“I don’t care.”
Those were made to be song lyrics. Featuring crowd-awing acrobatic stunts:
1. Jurassic Park
The tumultuous, forbidden love of Muldoon and his Clever Girl.
If you thought Vivian Kane could make a movie list and NOT put The Fugitive and Jurassic Park in the one and two slot, then you were really just kidding yourself.