It's Earth Day! Let's Celebrate By Watching Natural Disaster Movies!
Earth Day! A day to plant trees, start attempting to recycle again, and pretend that you don’t drive a gas guzzling behemoth that belches poisonous fumes! It’s also a day to remind yourself of the consequences of wastefulness, according to Hollywood.
Ah, Twister. The Helen Hunt and Bill Paxton movie about tornado hunters attempting to create an early warning system for the hazardous weather. They find themselves chasing down horribly violent tornadoes, watching cows blow by, and strapping themselves to a pipe with a belt to avoid being murdered by nature.
This is the disaster movie from Roland Emmerich from 2004. This one has Dennis Quaid, Jake Gyllenhaal, Emmy Rossum, and the dawning of a new ice age. All of our global warming causes ice in Antarctica to break off, leading to changing weather patterns and ushering in Mr. Freeze’s wet dream.
Can’t we give peace a chance while enlisting the help of slr pnls to reduce our carbon footprint and stop global warming? If we don’t change our ways, we will be unable to shit outside without an unreasonably sharp bird wing cutting our throats. At least that’s what Birdemic taught me.
Okay, I don’t know what leads specifically to the sharks entering into an unholy alliance with tornadoes to attack California. Maybe it’s pollution in the oceans or dudes eating shark fin soup. Maybe sharks were sick of being teased by the screeching birds of Birdemic. At any rate, two natural disasters combine to form one unintentionally hilarious and painful television movie.
Asteroids are going to slam into Earth. No, no. They don’t begin to break apart the closer they get to us or burn to mostly harmless pieces before impact. Not this time. This time we need to train some deep core drillers in the finer points of being astronauts and send them off to stop the asteroid. By putting a nuclear weapon inside of the asteroid itself. Damn, nature. You crazy.
This true story of fisherman trapped in a storm in the North Atlantic stars George Clooney and Mark Wahlberg. Nature slaps the shit out of the men and their crew with giant waves, torrential rain, and a stern talking to about continually harvesting the ocean’s bounty. I think. I haven’t seen it.
The Mayans predicted the end of the world with their calendar. Except they didn’t really, they just started a new calendar. BUT. Mother Nature doesn’t give a shit and decides 2012 is the year John Cusack needs a disaster movie paycheck. This end of the world as we know it has everything: earthquakes, volcanoes, the collapse of California into the ocean, tsunamis, and reconciling divorced couples.