Is Game of Thrones getting you down? Is there too much rape and flaying and convoluted conflation of the book’s characters for your tastes and not enough good ol’ jolly buddy capering? Feel free to join me over here in this imaginary corner where I like to sit and imagine all of these hilarious, adventure-based spin-offs are totally real and available for viewing.
Heads up, these imaginary Game of Thrones shows contain major spoilers for the actual Game of Thrones through the latest episode.
Tyrion & Jorah Mormont
One is a legendary fighter, the other has an exceedingly valuable penis. Please make their adventures into its own show, HBO.
Arya & The Hound
Okay, yes, we would need a time machine or a brighter timeline version of reality for more of these two, but I for one am willing to suspend my disbelief to whatever degree necessary.
Brienne of Tarth & Podrick
This is another pairing that we’ve seen a lot of, but no amount of these two cooking rabbits and talking about feelings can ever be enough.
Tommen & Puberty
Cersei & Margaery
It’s like Orange Is the New Black, but way more cutthroat.
Hot Pie & Sam Tarly
These characters may never have actually met, but I imagine great fanfic spin-offs in which they run away together to open a bakery and live the simple life.
Gilly’s there too, duh.
The High Sparrow & Grandma Tyrell
Just two adorably crotchety elders, talking about their various ailments, yelling at kids to get off their lawn, and killing/imprisoning anyone who gets in their way.