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Five Answers We Need From New Gilmore Girls or WHY BOTHER

By Joe Starr | Lists | October 22, 2015 |

By Joe Starr | Lists | October 22, 2015 |

This week the trailer for Star Wars: The Force Awakens landed online and opening weekend ticket sales broke the internet and WHO CARES ABOUT SKYWALKS AND MILLENNIAL FULCRUMS WHEN NETFLIX IS PRODUCING A NEW SEASON OF GILMORE GIRLS?

Yeah. I know you freaked out when it was announced, so let it wash over you again. Luke’s Diner! Friday night dinners! Conversations with spastic vegetable gardeners! Kiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiirk!

It’s going to be pretty cool. And yeah, I know there are already some “articles” floating around “online” about thing “people want” or answers “we have to know” from the long awaited glorious return to Stars Hollow.

But I think we all know that these articles are stupid and not worth your time. Because there are only five things we really need from Gilmore Girls. I mean, aside from all of it. But these five are pretty important. Like, coffee important.

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Which boyfriend was best for Rory?

I mean I get that the answer is ‘none of them are and Rory is her own woman’ but also I think we all know that the answer is Logan. You know, the ambitious, realistic one that was actually working hard to make something of himself so that he’d be worth a Rory. You know I’m right. Dean was a spineless cry baby and that gross hobo Jess grew up to be a serial killer on Gotham. The answer is so, so Logan. Now all we need is some creator confirmation.

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Did Lorelai ever apologize to Jason Stiles?

Look. We all love Gilmore Girls. But we’ve got to admit, Lorelai got weird sometimes. Usually it was when the plot needed to go in a certain direction and poor Amy Sherman-Palladino was too exhausted to think of a smooth way to get it there. So she’d just make her characters do random and jarring things. That lady was never allowed to sleep due to lack of staff, so I can forgive characters suddenly acting completely out of character as shorthand to drive story, but let’s be real: Jason was pretty great and Lorelai’s dad, at a point where she especially hated her parents, literally stabbed the guy in the back and cost him his business only to have Lorelai turn on him when he reacted completely reasonably.

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I’m obviously Team Luke. Luke is Lorelai’s density. But Jason was a nice dude and is owed an apology. Lorelai did him dirty, and all because plot required she be with Luke. Or maybe it was Christopher.

And speaking of Christopher…

Is Christopher dead?

And if so, was his death brutal and ridiculous and out of the blue, like the poor assistant in Jurassic World?

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Fucking Christopher.

Is April Nardini the President and/or a famous astronaut?

I think we can all agree that the best part of Gilmore Girls returning is that we will finally learn the fate of its primary and most important character: Luke’s long lost nerdy daughter April Nardini.

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Losing the glasses was a good choice.

April was a character of near limitless potential, and it’ll be very exciting to see what she’s accomplished in the last ten years. Did she stay in Stars Hollow and become a pillar of the community by using her scientific genius to turn the sleepy town into a bustling center of robotics and progress? Either way, I think we can all agree that April is owed the maximum amount of screen time that a regular guest star is allowed, and if that means cutting a few secondary characters like Patty or Taylor or Rory, so be it. It’s a good time to be a Nardineer, my friends.

Will they address Kirk joining the Ravagers?

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I mean, I’m glad he finally settled on a job, but it’s going to be sort of weird when Yondu’s ship randomly lands next to the gazebo with no explanation and Kirk gets out and beelines for his table at Luke’s Diner. But it’ll also be super cool when April Nardini joins the crew and ultimately thwarts Thanos. And it’ll be even cooler when we remember that Stars Hollow is on the Warner Bros backlot, which makes it a DC Universe show and that Kirk and April are the linchpins for a Marvel/DC cinematic crossover.

Gilmore Girls is fucking awesome, you guys.

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