Eat the cookbooks, plebs. Or maybe cook some of the stuff that’s in the cookbooks and eat that instead. Who doesn’t trust the lead singer of Smash Mouth to tell them what to put in their mouth?
Mary and Vincent Price, A Treasury of Great Recipes
Kristy, who has cooked items from the Vincent Price cookbook because she is The Best, calls the Hammer horror master’s signature cuisine “mostly 1950s dinner party stuff. Very dated.” Here’s Vince being real sophisticated about pickled mushrooms:
Smash Mouth: Recipes from the Road: A Rock ‘n’ Roll Cookbook
BODY once told me that Smaaaash Mouth has a cookbook.
And yes, it does feature a “guest recipe” from Guy Fieri. However did you know? The Don of Donkey Sauce blurbed the book as well: “From singin’ together to cookin’ together, the guys from Smash Mouth are not only the real rock ‘n’ roll deal, they are true food dudes too. ” “True food dudes.” Well, I’m hooked.
Cookin’ with Coolio: 5 Star Meals at a 1 Star Price
Chapters include “How to Become a Kitchen Pimp” and “Pasta Like a Rasta,” with reciples like “Bro-Ghetti” and “Chicken Lettuce Blunts.” Choice quote: “Everything I cook tastes better than yo’ momma’s nipples.”
I’m… sure it… does?
Sheryl Crow, If It Makes You Healthy: More Than 100 Delicious Recipes Inspired by the Seasons
The fact that Sheryl Crow has a cookbook isn’t all that weird, because, well, what else is she doing now? That title, though…
Rapper Mr. Chainz’s cookbook is actually a 28-page digital cookbook that was released with his B.O.A.T.S. 2 #Metime (…wut?) album back in 2013, but I can’t very well ignore it when he provides this essential—and inexplicably ignored in most other culinary resources—advice about cooking asparagus: “Drape yourself in an Adidas sweatsuit, chainz n thangs.”
The Yul Brynner Cookbook: Food Fit for the King and You
Yul love it!
Gerard Depardieu: My Cookbook
At least Sheryl Crow put some effort into her title. Jesus Christ, Gerard.
Boy George, Karma Cookbook: Great Tasting Dishes to Nourish Your Body and Feed Your Soul
Recipes from the Culture Club frontman’s macrobiotic cookbook (ew) include “Creamy Carrot Soup, Sizzling Soba, Crunchy Filo Parcels, Watercress and Shiitake Salad, and Apricots with Vanilla Custard.” I can’t even snark about this. It just makes my heart sad.
In the Kitchen with Miss Piggy: Fabulous Recipes from My Famous Celebrity Friends
To get an idea of how very ’90s this cookbook is, Kristi Yamaguchi contributed one of the recipes. Also, Bryant Gumbel’s recipe apparently includes bacon, because Bryant Gumbel is a sadist.
Liberace Cooks!: Hundreds of delicious recipes for you from his seven dining rooms
Shockingly, Liberace did not actually write this book; the byline reads “as told to Carol Truax,” Truax being a friend of Liberace’s who spent time touring his seven (seven!) (seven!) (seven!) (seven!) (seven!) (seven!) (seven!) dining rooms and recording his recipes for posterity. They’re all disappointingly normal, if tasty-looking. I’d expect Liberace’s guacamole to have some rhinestone garnish, at least.
The Ron Paul Family Cookbook
Ron Paul cookbooks are apparently A Thing, and honestly, I was pretty OK not knowing that before. I know my diet isn’t the best, but Zippy Olive Beef Spread (“made by combining whatever wine is on hand, instant minced onions, cream cheese, mayonnaise, chopped cocktail olives and beef cut up with kitchen shears”) is a bridge too far, even for me.
Paul Newman, Newman’s Own Cookbook, Hole in the Wall Gang Cookbook: Kid-Friendly Recipes for Families to Make Together
Recipes include Bagelroonies and Gene Shalit’s recipe for Spaghetti Carbonara. That Paul Newman would have cookbooks isn’t really weird, given his decades of charitable work involving, among other things, Newman’s Own foodstuffs. But I’m not going to deny you, the commentariat, any opportunity to go on a Paul Newman gif binge. Don’t keep me waiting.
Rebecca is on Twitter and dares someone to make the Zippy Olive Beef Spread.