Every Single Chris Not in the Marvel Cinematic Universe

By Rebecca Pahle | Lists | May 12, 2016 |

By Rebecca Pahle | Lists | May 12, 2016 |

This is it. There are no other Chrises besides these. This is every Chris.

Chris Pine, whom DC got to first

Chris Messina

Christoph Waltz, aka Der Humpink, who somehow has not played a Marvel villain yet. I know. It’s weird.

Kris Kross

Christopher Columbus, the director

Christopher Columbus, the explorer. Look at that face. Cap needs to punch that face the fuck out.

Chris Christie

Chris Martin

Chris Rock

Jesus H. CHRISt, who kind of has an Iron Man thing going on with the glowing heart already. Everyone who reads this is going to hell.

Chris Traeger

Chris Isaak

That one dude named Chris who was on Glee I think. Remember Glee? That was a weird time. That tanked hard quality-wise, right? Like Heroes hard? I don’t know. I only watched the first five episodes. What is regionals, and did they ever get there?

Chris Tucker, but someone needs to release him from Kevin Hart’s basement first.

Chris Hadfield

Christopher Meloni

Chris Parker, as played by Elisabeth Shue in Adventures in Babysitting. The best spoken word jazz performer.

Christopher Lee, who is dead.

Christopher Walken, who is not dead.

Christopher Nolan, whose many fictional wives are dead.

Christopher Eccleston. Oh, wait, shit, he was in the MCU, wasn’t he? I couldn’t even tell it was him under all that reject LARP Night Elf makeup.

Christopher Robin