Instead of Auld Lang Syne this New Year’s Eve, let’s discuss Old Lame Singers. Or maybe I’ll just leave the discussing to you - Lordtopus knows I’m going to need entertainment tonight as I sit home with my kids like I do every New Year’s Eve. For you single Pajibans, it’s all going to parties, drinking it up, sleeping with random strangers, throwing up and hangovers. For those of us with little twerps (Congratulations Stardust!) it’s just drinking and vomit with extra noise. But in the end I’d rather be home celebrating; its safer, cozy and warm and I know the toilet seat is clean.
Here’s the list:
5. The Cure/Robert Smith. I love The Cure, but it’s totally about the music, because Smith’s voice is just shaky, whiny and grating. (Jay is probably shaking his fist right now.) The lyrics are great and dude evokes the emotions, he’s got the gimmick and the goth kids love him, but sometimes I just want to punch him in his mushy, white face.
4. Primus/Les Claypool. Primus rocks and it’s impossible not to be sucked in by Claypool’s funky bass guitar - the man can play like nobody’s business. But he looks like he stepped off the set of Deliverance and he should never have gotten hold of a microphone.
3. Midnight Oil/Peter Garrett. Peter’s moved on to straight politics now, but he used to speak his mind through music. While Midnight Oil produced relevant and catchy tunes, Garrett’s voice is no less than odd and even cartoonish at times. When I listen to him, I keep feeling like there’s a crick in my neck and I’ve gotta get it out.
2. Public Image Ltd/John Lydon. Lydon has described his voice as “sounding like a bag of kittens being thrown down a flight of stairs” and who am I to disagree? But damn if PIL didn’t put out some righteous jams. Somehow the whole mess works.
1. Guns N’ Roses/Axl Rose. I both despised and loved this band at one time. I couldn’t help but like some of their tunes, but Jesopus H. Cripes - that voice. How did this guy get a singing career? And what’s attached to his balls?
Happy Eve of the New Year to you all - stay in, eat junk food, get drunk and may all your vomit hit the bowl. And if you want to hear great music all night, check out our own Doc Spender on Egg Radio.