'Cause I Wanna Be Anarchy: Never Mind the Actors, Here's the Fifteen Hottest Directors

Fifteen of the hottest (entendre intended) directors right now.

15. I-Am-Woman Hot: Lynne Ramsay

Previously Directed: We Need to Talk About Kevin

Upcoming Film: Jane Got a Gun, starring Michael Fassbender and Natalie Portman. Jane (Portman) needs help defending herself from an outlaw gang; who you gonna call? Fassbuster! Out in 2014

14. We-Can’t-Wait-to-See-What-You Do-Next-Hot: Neill Blomkamp

Previously Directed: District 9

Upcoming Film: Elysium, starring Matt Damon, Jodie Foster, William Fichtner and Sharlto Copley. It’s 2059 and the one percent live on Elysium (a space station) with anti-immigration laws, while the rest of the slobs remain on a ravaged, dilapidated Earth. Max (Damon) is out to equalize things. Out August 9, 2013

13. We’re-Intrigued-by-Your-Mind Hot: Michael Winterbottom

Previously Directed: The Killer Inside Me, 24 Hour Party People

Upcoming Film: Untitled Paul Raymond Story, starring Stephen Fry, Steve Coogan, Anna Friel, Imogen Poots. Coogan stars as the London porn king/billionaire “…who began his career on stage as an end-of-the-pier mind-reader and ended his life the richest man in Britain.” Out in 2013

12. Young Auteur Hot: Jeff Nichols

Previously Directed: Take Shelter, Shotgun Stories

Upcoming Film: Mud, starring Matthew McConaughey, Reese Witherspoon, Michael Shannon, Sam Shepard and Sarah Paulson. Mark Twain-ish coming of age film about two teenage boys who come upon a fugitive hiding out on a small island. Competed for the Palme d’Or at Cannes. Out in 2013.

11. We-Like-the-Way-Your-Brain-Warps Hot: Ruben Fleischer

Previously Directed: Zombieland

Upcoming Films: Gangster Squad, starring Ryan Gosling, Emma Stone, Sean Penn, Josh Brolin, Nick Nolte, Giovanni Ribisi and Robert Patrick. The LAPD tries to keep the East Coast mafia out of their territory. Out January 11, 2013.

Zombieland 2, announced.

10. Freaky, Geeky Hot: Wes Anderson

Previously Directed: Moonrise Kingdom, Fantastic Mr. Fox, The Darjeeling Limited, The Royal Tenenbaums…

Upcoming Film: The Grand Budapest Hotel, starring Bill Murray, Ralph Fiennes, Jude Law, Jason Schwartzman and Owen Wilson. As usual, Anderson’s next is cloaked in secrecy, described only as “A European Story.” Out December 26, 2013.

9. Scary Hot: Rob Zombie

Previously Directed: House of 1000 Corpses, Halloween [2007], Halloween II…

Upcoming Film: The Lords of Salem, starring Bruce Davison, Jeff Daniel Phillips, Dee Wallace, Meg Foster and Sheri Moon Zombie. A DJ receives mysterious wooden boxes with items that trigger unintended (scary! spooky!, haunting!) consequences.

8. Soul Crushingly Hot: Derek Cianfrance

Previously Directed: Blue Valentine.

Upcoming Film: The Place Beyond the Pines, starring Ryan Gosling, Ray Liotta, Bradley Cooper, Rose Byrne and Eva Mendes. Stunt motorcycle rider Luke (Gosling) turns criminal to support his family.

7. You-Make-Us-Uncomfortable Hot: Lee Daniels

Previously Directed: Precious

Upcoming Films: The Paperboy, starring Nicole Kidman, John Cusack, Matthew McConaughey and Zac Efron. Man on death row (“a completely unhinged” Cusack) receives investigative assistance from a reporter (McConaughey) and his chippie (Kidman). There will be peeing. Out in limited release.

The Butler, starring Forest Whitaker, John Cusack, Alex Pettyfer, Robin Williams (as Dwight Eisenhower!), Alan Rickman, James Marsden, Liev Schreiber, Cuba Gooding Jr., Terrence Howard, Vanessa Redgrave, Melissa Leo, Jane Fonda, Lenny Kravitz and Minka Kelly. The course of American history seen from the viewpoint of a White House butler (Whitaker), who served eight presidents over thirty years. Out in 2013

6. Distinguished, Old School Hot: Hayao Miyazaki

Previously Directed: Ponyo, Howl’s Moving Castle, Spirited Away, Castle in the Sky…

Upcoming Film: From Up On Poppy Hill, Miyazaki passes the directing torch on this one to his son, Goro; Hayao wrote the screenplay. Starring Gillian Anderson, Ron Howard, Beau Bridges, Jamie Lee Curtis, Bruce Dern. Preparations for the 1964 Tokyo Olympics include tearing down a group’s school clubhouse; they fight to save it. Out March 15, 2013.

5. Everything-You-Touch-Is-Hot: Christopher Nolan

Previously Directed: The Dark Knight Rises, Inception, The Prestige, Memento…

Upcoming Film: Producing Zack Snyder’s Man of Steel, starring Henry Cavill, Russell Crowe, Amy Adams, Diane Lane, Kevin Costner, Michael Shannon, Laurence Fishburne, Christopher Meloni and Tahmoh Penikett. Nolan helps Snyder do for Superman what he did for the Batman. Out June 14, 2013. Nolan has also expressed interest in doing a Bond film.

4. Twisted Hot: Pedro Almodovar

Previously Directed: The Skin I Live In, Volver, Talk to Her, All About My Mother, Tie Me Up Tie! Me Down!…

Upcoming Film: I’m So Excited starring Penélope Cruz, Antonio Banderas and Paz Vega. A comedy set on an airplane—that’s all we know—and I really am excited. Out November/December 2013.

3. Crazy Hot: Nicolas Winding Refn

Previously Directed: Drive, Bronson, Pusher…

Upcoming Film: Only God Forgives, starring Ryan Gosling, Kristin Scott Thomas and Tom Burke. A fugitive living in Bangkok (Gosling) runs a Thai boxing club as a front for a drug smuggling ring. When his brother is murdered, he sets out for revenge. Out in 2013.

2. Hot Damn, Your-Brain-Makes-Us-So-Hot Hot: Paul Thomas Anderson

Previously Directed: The Master, There Will Be Blood, Punch Drunk Love…

Upcoming Film: An adaptation of Thomas Pynchon’s Inherent Vice that may or may not involve Robert Downey Jr. No details as yet. Quotes from a recent Sirius/XM interview.

1. Just Plain Hot: Martin McDonagh

Previously Directed: Seven Psychopaths, In Bruges

Upcoming: McDonagh is premiering his play A Behanding in Spokane in Boston tonight at the Charlston Working Theater. Meanwhile, The Pillowman, is on at the Las Vegas Little Theatre.

Honorable Mention; You’ll Always Be Hot: David Lynch

Cindy Davis is cooling off.

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