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Brainfarts Are The New Black

By Brian Prisco | Lists | October 18, 2010 |

By Brian Prisco | Lists | October 18, 2010 |

Twitter is a collection of random thoughts, sputtered out by narcissistic people who are painfully convinced they are funny or interesting. Of course, I have one. Unhide all those annoying people on Facebook that we’ve all hid, and then sit down and wade through every stupid sentiment, random non-sequitir and ridiculous crap to see the five out of one hundred status updates you actually give a shit about. Welcome, you’ve now entered the world of Twitter.

Since “Shit My Dad Says” is a terrible sitcom, based on one of the rare Twitter feeds that are actually funny, naturally America has embraced it. So Ashton Kutcher has actually bought the rights to two different Twitter accounts and is converting them to sitcoms. The first is “Dear Girls Above Me,” which is a collection of faux letters written by a man to the idiot girls that moved into the apartment above his. And it’s funny, for example: Dear Girls Above Me, “Did you hear that all these kids were rescued in Chile after being trapped in some mountain?” Miners, not minors. The other sitcom is based on “Shh, Don’t Tell Steve,” which is one guy secretly tweeting about his roommate. This one is not funny. It’s about a stoner making fun of another stoner. But I guess that was the general premise of “That 70’s Show,” so what do I know.

There are tons of Twitter accounts that are hilarious. But that doesn’t mean that they should naturally translate into a sitcom. If someone manages to make a clever joke in 140 characters sporadically, it absolutely doesn’t mean that they should have their own sitcom. Nowadays, every celebrity has a Twitter account — and ten thousand fake or fan accounts that pretend to be them. Which is actually how most sitcoms get made: a comedian does their act, someone thinks its funny, it becomes a generic template sitcom and then boom, seven seasons. “Seinfeld,” “The King of Queens,” “Everybody Loves Raymond,” “The Jeff Foxworthy Show.”

But Twitter is a different kind of funny. So here’s a random list of five really funny twitter accounts that would make for shitty sitcoms:

1. Drunk Hulk (@DRUNKHULK)


2. Joshua Allen (@fireland)

This guy tweets the most random hilarious shit. It’s completely off the cuff bizarrity. And while pretty much 93 percent are solid gold gems, stringing them together into a coherent thought wouldn’t work.

3. Jesus M. Christ (@Jesus_M_Christ)

Our twisted Lord and Savior is just one of the many clever takes on real figures, like God Damn Batman and Darth Vader and Kanye West. And while it’s funny to hear him riff like a dirty lounge singer in a bit of tongue in cheek stuff, what would be the joke? Would it be like the Caveman sitcom, only it’s set in Galilee and he’s got a filthy mouth?

4. Conan O’Brien’s Squirrel (@ConansSquirrel)

Conan O’Brien started a twitter account after his show got cancelled. His first and only twitter for the longest time was a picture of a squirrel in his backyard. So the squirrel “started” a Twitter account. And people followed it. It was funny. But does that mean we should give the squirrel its own talk show?

5. Texts From Last Night (@TFLN)

It’s a collection of the funniest drunk/random text messages from people out the night before. Yeah, they sure are funny. But what would the sitcom be? “Sex in the City” style escapades in the style of the texts? Joel McHale reading them off a teleprompter?

Dustin is the founder and co-owner of Pajiba. You may email him here, follow him on Twitter, or listen to his weekly TV podcast, Podjiba.

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