Angel and Buffy vs. Spike and Buffy: Let’s Settle This Once and For All

By Josh Kurp | Lists | May 3, 2012 |

By Josh Kurp | Lists | May 3, 2012 |

Now that one Joss Whedon debate has been settled — Is The Avengers good? Yes — it’s time to settle another, much important one: Buffy and Spike vs. Buffy and Angel? It’s an argument as heated as Joel vs. Mike on Mystery Science Theater 3000, and each side believes that they’re right and the other is, like, SO wrong. (Buffy and Riley, that camp doesn’t exist.) To figure out the dispute, I created 10 unbiased categories, declaring a winner for each. Whoever has the most “wins” at the end is the right answer.

QUARREL OVER.

1. Most Embarrassingly Effective Fan-Made YouTube Video

For Angel:

For Spike:

Winner: Angel (but I do appreciate the Cruel Intentions reference in the Spike video)

2. Most Convincing Fan-Made Art Work

For Angel:

For Spike:

Winner: Angel

3. Best Yahoo! Answers “Spike v. Angel” Response

For Angel: “Angel as I like a man who is more of a chunk! Spike is too skinny, he sometimes looked like he had the Aids virus. Bless him, he’s OK though.”

For Spike: “I actually loved Buffy/Spike better. It was more of a dangerous, forbidden love. They kinda had a love/hate thing going on for a while which I thought was really hot :)”

Winner: Angel, because he’s such a “chunk.” And don’t worry, “Yanda,” Spike’s fine.

4. Best GIF Together

For Angel:

For Spike:

Winner: Angel

5. Best Nickname

For Angel: Bangel

For Spike: Spuffy

Winner: Spike (Spuffy)

6. Sexiest Fan Fiction Story that Mentions Mr. Gordo

For Angel: “Angel was about to grab the pig and throw it aside when he realized that given the events of the past fifteen minutes, that probably would not endear him to her. He gently took Mr. Gordo from her and set him on the floor. After a moment’s deliberation, he covered the pig with a blouse she’d thrown down in her frantic search, and she laughed.” (Via)

For Spike: “The sweater was tossed aside as Spike decided to get a closer look at the pig. He took a quick sniff, followed by another. And another. There was no doubt about it. This little piggy was getting more Slayer action than he could ever hope for. Her scent oozed off of it in waves. It was almost as if Buffy were right there, in his crypt. The toy was magnificent. He could just imagine it all. The Slayer, coming home after a hard night’s patrol, snuggling up with the little fellow…” (Via)

Winner: Spike

7. Best Act of Devotion for Buffy

For Angel: He leaves Sunnydale for Los Angeles, because he knows Buffy will be happier without him in her life. He doesn’t want her to believe that they have a future together, when they a) can’t have sex, lest he become Angelus again, and b) can’t stay together forever, for he’s immortal and she’s not. Plus, that whole slaying vampires thing.

For Spike: “No, you don’t, but thanks for saying it.”

Winner: Spike

8. Best Song

For Angel:

For Spike:

Winner: Spike (but I want to give it to Angel, or maybe Giles for “Behind Blue Eyes”)

9. Best Dance Move

For Angel:

For Spike: N/A

Winner: Angel

10. Highest Number of Google Results for Three Different Phrases

“spike and buffy belong together,” 6,100 results
“angel and buffy belong together,” 2,720 results

“buffy should be with spike,” 10,200 results
“buffy should be with angel,” 11, 000 results

“spike is sexier than angel,” 7 results
“angel is sexier than spike,” 2 results

Winner: Spike

And the winner, by a 5-5 count, is A TIE??? That’s crap. But wait!

I’m giving it to Spike, not only for his “Doomed” outfit, but also because he’s holding a pizza box and a flask. Sorry, Angel. The REAL winner is: SPIKE.