13. If You’re Fond Of Bitchfaces

12. If You’re An Asshole Who Derives Pleasure From Snarking “I Liked It Better When It Was Called Running Man”

11. If You’re An Archer Or, Even Better, A Fletcher (Hunger Games, Brave, The Avengers? This is your year, bow and arrow dorks.)

10. If You’re A Fan OF Elizabeth Banks’ *ss

9. If You Liked “Project Runway” Back When It Was Good

8. If You’ve Been Trying To Break Your Teenaged Daughter’s Crush On That Sparkly Vampire

7. If You’ve Been Waiting Since 1999 For Wes Bentley To Make Another Good Movie

6. If You’re An Ancient Roman Patrician

5. If You’re A Faithful Subscriber To The L.L. Bean Catalogue:

4. If You Dig The Photographic Works Of Dorothea Lange

3. If You Like The Sexy Musical Stylings Of Lenny Kravitz

2. If You Like The Color Purple…No, Like, The Actual Color

1. If You Like Wood. And Who Doesn’t?