This weekend saw the return of Bob’s Burgers (HOORAY!), and the season premiere gave us a glimpse into the important history of Bob’s mustache, as well as some Sliding Doors-type alternate realities with darker ‘stacheless timelines. As the episode taught us, Bob’s mustache was a primary factor in getting Linda to fall in love with him. Now, the lip broom is not usually thought to be the most appealing facial adornment. We know that chicks dig beards. This is just science. Stubble, full beard, even a well-groomed goatee can occasionally be a good addition to a man’s face. But mustaches? Those are tricky. You may think you look like a swingin’ 1970s Roger Sterling, but in reality you probably look like a pervy police sketch. Still, there is the occasional rare instance in which it can improve a face. Exhibit A:
Blech. Gross, right? This is one of those few cases in which a face caterpillar is not just fitting, it’s necessary.
See? So much better. Here are some other faces that were definitely born with the mustache gene. Warning: do not try this type of hair growth at home. Results will vary.
Let’s start off with the obvious classics.
On a lesser man, the mustache would be the most ridiculous thing in this picture.
Brad Pitt, Chris Pratt, and Baby Goose
All of whom can be filed under “So Attractive They Don’t Look Better, But Not Even a Mustache Can Hurt Them”
That Goes Double For Tom Hardy
In All Incarnations
And the Stache That Could Not Be Contained
Seriously, look at that thing