A couple of months ago, we rattled off every Sam Worthington who’s come along since Sam Worthington, and by that we mean: A completely forgettable actor that Hollywood tried to turn into a star. However, being female doesn’t absolve one from being a Sam Worthington. There are plenty of women who have come along in recent years who have possessed that same majestic quality of blandness, and Hollywood has ignored their unremarkablenesss and cast them in coveted roles, anyway.
Let’s take a look at the Sam Worthingtons of today and yesteryear.
Deutch is at peak Worthington at this very moment. She’s been slowly climbing the ranks from pretty, forgettable actress in movies like Beautiful Creatures to Vampire Academy to love interest in Zac Efron’s Dirty Grandpa to that one female character in Richard Linklater’s Everybody Wants Some. 2016 is the year of Zoey Deutch. She’ll be in James Franco’s The Masterpiece, Good Kids with Ashley Judd, Why Him? with James Franco (again), and she’ll play opposite Nicholas Hoult in next year’s J.D. Salinger biopic, Rebel in the Rye. Oh yes: And she’s also starring in The Year of Spectacular Men, written by her sister Madelyn Deutch and directed by her mother, Lea Thompson. Oh, did I forget to mention that she’s the daughter of Lea Thompson and Pretty in Pink director Howard Deutch? I’d remember that, except that I keep forgetting she exists.
Teresa Palmer is the perfect actress for those who can’t afford to pay Kristen Stewart to dye her hair blonde. You’ve seen her in movies like Warm Bodies and The Sorcerer’s Apprentice and forgot she was in them, and she’s been in movies like I Am Number Four (with fellow Worthington Alex Pettyfer) and Point Break that you wish didn’t exist. She was even in that guilty pleasure of yours, Take Me Home Tonight with Chris Pratt, Anna Farris, and Topher Grace. She was the one who … I forget. But trust me, she was in that. IMDB says so.
After basically debuting in The Blind Side with Sandra Bullock, Hollywood has buried Phil Collins’ daughter (yes, that Phil Collins) in movies destined to fail, like Priest with Paul Bettany, Abduction with Taylor Lautner, Stuck in Love with Greg Kinnear, and another wan attempt to get a YA franchise off the ground in Mortal Instruments. Hollywood is not done with her yet, however. She will continue not to leave an impression in Warren Beaty’s Rules Don’t Apply, Marti Noxon’s To the Bone with Keanu Reeves, and Joon-ho Bong’s Okja with Jake Gyllenhaal,.
After a fourth season arc on Showtime’s Secret Diary of a Call Girl, James was put on the fast track to obscurity, cast in films like Wrath of the Titans, the lead in Pride and Prejudice and Zombies and the title character in Cinderella, which was amazing, even if you couldn’t remember who played Cinderella. James still has hope, yet, though, because not only is she in the War and Peace miniseries that no one will see, she’ll be in Edgar Wright’s next film, Baby Driver, and surely won’t be overshadowed by Jon Hamm, Jon Bernthal, Kevin Spacey, and Jamie Foxx.
Robertston has a certain Amber Tamblyn quality about her, only without whatever it is that makes Amber Tamblyn memorable. Robertson was in Tomorrowland, which I’m sure you remember is that George Clooney bomb that no one saw. She was in Under the Dome on CBS, but you probably already forgot about that. She was also in Mother’s Day, which I saw less than a month ago and had no recollection of her presence. She was also the female lead in one of those Nicholas Sparks’ movies. No, not that one. The other one. No, not that one, either. The one with future Sam Worthington, Scott Eastwood.
Casting directors who grew up on those creepy Liv Tyler Aerosmith videos have been huge on Kaya Scodelario, casting her in the Maze Runner franchise that has continued to trudge on inexplicably, and she’ll soon star in the next Pirates of the Caribbean movie alongside the Worthington adjacent Orlando Bloom.
Haven’t we already covered Isabel Lucas? Oh no, sorry. That was Zooey Deutsch. Isabel Lucas was in one of those Transformers movies and Red Dawn and The Immortals and that dumpster fire The Loft and The Water Diviner with Russell Crowe. Really, the problem with Isabel Lucas’ career is that she’s forgettable in completely forgettable movies. Double Worthington whammy.
Alice Eve is not just another pretty face. She’s another pretty face who is blonde. She’s the female equivalent of Sam Worthington’s perpetual five o’clock shadow, having played the woman out of Jay Baruchel’s league in She’s Out of My League, made a trek through Entourage, been featured in her underwear in Star Trek Into Darkness, got lost in Criminal with Ryan Reynolds and Kevin Costner, and played opposite John Cusack in The Raven. She’s like Ali Larter, without the sinister quality that makes Ali Larter Ali Larter.