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99 Movies That Will Kill You Dead

By Dustin Rowles | Lists | March 25, 2009 |

By Dustin Rowles | Lists | March 25, 2009 |

Earlier today, we posted Yahoo’s 100 Movies You Should See Before You Die, a safe list of mostly critical darlings and old white people movies. But let’s assume that you’ve managed to see all 100 of those movies, and you’ve become emotionally weak. You’re on the precipice of death, and all you need is a particularly powerful reaction to a movie to trigger a stroke, a heart attack, an embolism, or sudden brain death. Here are 99 films that will push you over the edge (and what you will die of).

Aeon Flux (Bewildered Stupidity)
Audition (Terror)
Balls of Fury (Stupidity)
Bastard Out of Carolina (Anguish)
Batman and Robin (Torment and Stupidity)
Battlefield Earth (Laughter)
Beaches (Shame)
Being John Malkovich (Embolism)
Big Momma’s House II (Stupidity)
Bio-Dome (Stupidity)
Breaking the Waves (Sadness)
Brokeback Mountain (Heartbreak)
The Brown Bunny (Disgust)
Boys Don’t Cry (Anguish)
The Butcher’s Wife (Sappiness)
Caligula (Disgust)
Cannibal Holocaust (Shock)
Captivity (Repulsion)
Catwoman (Embarrassment)
Crash (1996) (Shock)
Crash (2004) (Stupidity)
The Curious Case of Benjamin Button (Boredom)
Dancer in the Dark (Anguish)
Date Movie (Stupidity)
Dead-Alive (Squeamishness)
Dead Man Walking (Anguish)
Dead Poets Society (Anguish)
The Descent (Fear)
Delta Farce (Pills)
Deuce Bigelow: American Gigolo (Stupidity)
Disaster Movie (Stupidity)
English Patient (Boredom)
Eraserhead (Befuddlement)
Ernest Goes to Camp (Stupidity)
Evil Dead 2 (Happiness)
eXiStEnZ (Confusion)
The Exorcist (Terror)
Faces of Death (Disgust)
First Daughter (Self-inflicted gunshot wound)
Frankenhooker (Bewilderment)
Freddy Got Fingered (Stupidity and Disgust)
From Justin to Kelly (Dismay)
Garden State (Whimsy)
Ghost Rider (Shock and Stupidity)
Gigli (Dismay)
Glitter (Dismay)
Good Luck Chuck (Stupidity)
Half-Nelson (Heartbreak)
Happiness (Shock)
Henry: Portrait of a Serial Killer (Horror)
High Tension (Shock)
Hotel Rwanda (Anguish)
The Hottie and the Nottie (Stupidity)
The Hours (Boredom)
How the Grinch Stole Christmas (Trauma)
The Ice Storm (Anguish)
In America (Heartbreak)
Identity (Anger)
I Know Who Killed Me (Confusion)
Irreversible (Shock)
I Spit on Your Grave (Repulsion)
Jacob’s Ladder (Insanity)
John Tucker Must Die (Self-inflicted gunshot wound)
Jonas Brothers: The 3D Concert Experience (Misery)
Kenneth Branagh’s Hamlet (Bed Sores)
Kids (Anguish)
Last House on the Left (1972) (Terror)
Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector (Misery)
Little Man (Stupidity)
Legends of the Fall (Boredom)
Lost Highway (Insanity)
Manos: Hands of Fate (Boredom)
Meet Joe Black (Boredom)
Mulholland Drive (Erotic Confusion)
My Girl (Shame)
My Life (Shame)
Naked Lunch (Confusion)
Nil by Mouth (Psychological Torment)
Norbit (Repugnance)
The Notebook (Shame)
Oldboy (Shock)
Old Yeller (Sadness)
The Passion of the Christ (Shock and Dismay)
Pink Flamingos (Disgust)
Requiem for a Dream (Shock and Trauma)
Salo (Disgust)
Schindler’s List (Anguish)
Se7en (Shock)
A Simple Plan (Despair)
Spice World (Stupidity)
Steel Magnolias (Shame)
Suspiria (Shock)
Teen Wolf 2 (Shock)
Texas Chainsaw Massacre (1974) (Terror)
Titanic (Boredom)
Vampire in Brooklyn (Boredom)
The Wackness (Heartbreak)
Who’s Your Caddy (Stupidity)
The Wicker Man (2006) (Embarrassment)

Dustin is the founder and co-owner of Pajiba. You may email him here, follow him on Twitter, or listen to his weekly TV podcast, Podjiba.