Are you watching Jane the Virgin yet? I hope you’re watching Jane the Virgin. This week’s episode really upped the telenovela and put Jane’s love triangle front and center. Yet in the Hunger Games of Jane’s life, Michael is the loving, supportive Peeta and Rafael is the stupid, stupid Gale that no one but the protagonist herself wants her to end up with.
There are plenty of love triangles with worthy opponents in TV history. You can say you’re Team Mary Ann or Team Ginger, Bill or Eric, Kelly or Brenda, Ben or Noel (I guess you can be team Ben) and consider it a respectable choice. But these are not those. No, these are the love triangles with one great choice and one terrible—usually very, very boring—choice that make no sense to anyone except the person in the middle.
9. Team Michael vs. Team Rafael
Yes, Rafael has abs. But Michael has everything else.
8. Team Pacey vs. Team Dawson
Would ANYONE choose Dawson? Really?
7. Team Luke vs. Team Christopher
6. Team Spike vs. Team Angel
Alright fine, maybe dark and brooding and bland was your thing. But at least we can agree that NO ONE is on Team Riley, right?
5. Team Willow vs. Team Cordelia
This one turned out alright in the end, because Willow got Oz back, and then found Tara (who is the best of anything), but the few episodes that had Xander cheating on Cordie were pretty excruciating. Although without the cheating, Anya wouldn’t have come to Sunnydale so fine, the triangle was stupid but possibly worth it.
4. Team Jake vs. Team Fitz
Has there ever been a The Worst worse than Fitz? He is The Absolute Worst.
3. Team Sawyer vs. Team Jack
Go home Jack. No one likes you.
2. Team April vs. Team Ann
This one goes to April not because she’s better, but because ANN DOESN’T WANT HIM ANYWAY.
1. Team Logan vs. Team Piz
Even Piz isn’t on Team Piz
Vivian Kane is really on team Jane, when it comes down to it.