Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang
Don we now our gay Perry, fa-la-la la-la-la la, la, la!
Nothing says Christmastime like a coke deal on a Christmas Tree lot with Mel Gibson before we realized he really was crazy! (NSFW)
I explained this movie to my nine-year-old thusly: “Well, Edward was created by a scientist who was just about to give him real hands when he died. Edward was left alone in the big scientist castle thing until he was found by an Avon lady. She took Edward home with her to help him, but everyone just wanted to take advantage of him. Edward ended up alone again when he left for the scientist castle thing. Kind of sad, but I guess loneliness is preferable to being used.”
Jingle bells, Batman smells, Penguin laid an egg! The Batmobile lost a wheel and Catwoman got away!
Better Off Dead
“Ah, come on! It’s Christmas Eve! I could be home right now, drinking this monster eggnog my brother makes with lighter fluid.”
Sometimes Christmas means two manky hookers and a racist dwarf. If you’re in f*cking Bruges.
If Timothy Olyphant asks you if you want to get laid for Christmas, YOU SAY YES. Damn it, Katie Holmes. Where is your head??
Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy
British spies in the 70s really know how to party at Christmastime. Perhaps they should have spent more time making sure no moles were among them?
Put some yippee-ki-yay in your stocking, motherf*cker.