Hey, you know how we like to pick our presidents based on which candidate we’d most like to go out for a beer (or three) with? No, seriously. That’s what those dumbass GW supporters used to say. “Well, he might be kinda dumb, but he’s the one I wanna grab a beer with…” I might have made that exact quote up, but back in the day, there were similar headlines and though they’re playing that game again, I’ll abstain — because we all know how ugly that would get. Instead, I’ll kick off a list of the Coen Brothers characters I’d like to grab that beer with, firstly because it’s way more fun, and secondly…because it’s way more fun. And not political.
Here we go.
1. Sheriff Ed Tom Bell, No Country for Old Men
Honestly, I don’t even care if he talks to me. He can just sit and give me those looks all night long. But, if he wants to tell me stories in that slow drawl — cops have the best stories — that’d be a grand way to spend an evening.
2. Marge Gunderson, Fargo
Speaking of stories, Marge had a way with telling them; I’m pretty sure I’d be laughing before we got through the first round of tequila shots.
3. Laurence Laurentz and the Thacker Sisters, Hail, Caesar!
Oh, it’s that simple. Laurence would teach me how to properly speak and the more we drink, the better my performance ‘twould be.
And in between — whenever Laurence felt exceptionally exasperated with me — Thora and Thessaly would fight over who’d spill the biggest gossip, and we’d talk trash about all of Hollywood.
4. Edwina McDunnough, Raising Arizona
Oh look, another cop! I have a type. That said, she’s a highly entertaining cop — emotional and quite possibly insane — so, basically, a great bar buddy.
5. The Dude and Walter, The Big Lebowski
I don’t really need to say anything here, do I? I might bring protection though. No, not that kind, the other kind.
Go ahead, you do yours.