5 Woke Things To Carve Into Your Pumpkin This Halloween

By Joe Starr | Lists | October 24, 2016 |

By Joe Starr | Lists | October 24, 2016 |

Look, there are a lot of scary things happening in our country right now. And since Halloween was invited by the pagans and the Hershey company to ward off evil during the harvest moon (I’m 60% sure this is correct), it’s best that we use this year’s Halloween season responsibly.

How do we do that? By staying woke. And by keeping our pumpkins woke AF.

5. Jesse Williams

The recipient of BET’s 2016 Humanitarian award has given some of the most passionate, moving speeches about racial justice this year both on stage and in the White House. The Grey’s Anatomy star has become a polarizing figure due to the understanding that black lives mattering somehow means that white people should all be dead, and I can’t think of a better way to make sure that your neighborhood knows where you stand by having his beautiful face guarding your porch from any tricksters this October 31.

4. Colin Kaepernick

I really wish he played for the Steelers so I could call his movement the Kneeler Nation but alas, I’m terrible with number based puns. Make sure your kaep o’ lantern takes a knee this year with a tribute to an incredibly simple but effective form of non violent protest.

3. Hillary Clinton

Just how nasty is your pumpkin going to be this Halloween? Nothing says ‘My gourd is with her’ more than putting a candle in a pumpkin carved in the likeness of our first motherfucking female President of the United Nasty States than this. Get out of here, orange skin ghoul! This porch wants to make a village.

2. #getherintheroom

A really cool hashtag on Twitter to increase the visibility of women working in film and television, from PAs to boom ops right on up to directors and actresses. If you’re a creator, or even a creator adjacent, you should be keeping your eye on it. Be an ally, do your part. “I don’t know anyone” is no longer an excuse. I put Lexi Alexander on the pumpkin because she’s how I learned about it and she seems fucking cool.

Fuck, I wrote that one with zero Halloween puns.

1. Politifact

One of the most woke things you can do is stay informed, and this Halloween you need to stay scary informed. One of the only straight forward organizations reporting pure facts with no spin? Politifact. No ratings, no bullshit. Just ‘is that true or not true?’ Let the kids know just how woke you are by letting them pass by carvings of your favorite undisputed facts about this election season on their way to get a baby Snickers off you.

Happy Halloween, friends. Stay safe, stay woke. Or as Garfield said in his Halloween special, “Spoooooooky woke.” ***

*** he didn’t say that. but if u were woke u would know