I know you’re still in recovery from last night’s soul-crushing Walking Dead episode, but no worries; there are only two episodes left. How many bad things can happen in only two more episodes?
Never mind, don’t answer that. No matter how quiet this show gets in the middling episodes, it usually goes out with just enough of a bang to guarantee we’ll be back the next season, and I expect this one may hurt a lot. What won’t bother us is if Rick and Co. wipe out most (or all) of the idiotic Alexandria population. The way I see it, they’d be mercy killings, because those people are too stupid to live. I’m also guessing — what with all the drummed up sexual tension — Jessie’s going to be kept around as Rick’s new romantic interest (screwing up the chemistry we’ve already seen between Rick and Michonne). I haven’t read the comics, so that’s is entirely speculation, and here are the five things we don’t want to see in the supersized (90 minute) March 29th finale, “Conquer.”
***Spoiler warning — if you’re not caught up through last night’s “Spend,” back on out now.
1. We’d Really Rather Not Be Subjected to Carl’s First Kiss/Love Story.
This is a little too on the nose, don’t we think? Hopefully the lessons of 24’s Kim Bauer and Homeland’s Dana Brody are still fresh in the writers’ memories, and we’ll not veer off into teenage romance. Not that we mind Carl having some kids his age around, or even a similarly traumatized friend; just please don’t get caught up in the diary musings and awkward kisses.
2. That Dickheaded, “Doctor” Pete Had Better Not Lay a Hand on Carol Before She Kills Him.
Pete Anderson must die. A drunk is a useless doctor (Deanna is pretty disastrous at giving out jobs), and from what little we’ve seen of him so far, he’s begging to be killed. The nail in his coffin is Carol sniffing out Pete’s abusiveness; add in Jessie and Rick’s flirting, and dude is a goner. My prediction is that Carol catches Pete in the act, and challenges him — then has to put him down. But, I’m also a little terrified he’ll get to Carol first, and Rick will be the one to take out Pete.
3. “Father” Gabriel Had Better Not Live.
There is absolutely no reason for Gabriel to have lived this long, except to stoke our anger until the ultimate satisfying finale moment where he’ll finally get his comeuppance for locking out his parishioners and letting them die. Compounded by his unforgivable, traitorous conversation with Deanna in “Spend,” and there’s nothing left but the waiting. Preferably, Maggie leads him to a hungry group of walkers for something that makes Noah’s death look like a happy ending. (*sob*)
4. We’d Best Not Be Marking the Close of Yet Another Season with Nothing More Than a Fleeting Glimpse of Morgan.
You’ve teased us too many times, TWD, now give us our due Lennie James! Seriously, we need to know what Morgan has been, and is up to. Is he the mysterious
W M marker, and if so, why is he doing it? We demand answers.
5. Daryl Had Better Not Die.
Period. End of story.
That said, I’m pretty certain — due to those possibly spoilerish photos (you didn’t forget about them, did you?) Norman Reedus posted way back when, and the fact that he keeps saying that watching the finale requires tissues — Daryl is going to face some dire circumstances, and probably (unless it’s Rick’s) lose a body part. (Plus, there’s that whole Daryl Dixon problem). Kirkman says no one is safe, but Daryl had damned well better be.