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5 Recent Modern Anthems We Didn't Know We Needed

By Vivian Kane | Lists | June 1, 2016 |

By Vivian Kane | Lists | June 1, 2016 |

Sometimes you don’t know you need a thing until it’s right in front of you. And sometimes you don’t know just how badly you needed it until it’s in song form.

The Anthem of Netflix and Actually Chilling

Sarah Silverman: “Perfect Night”
The perfect tribute to the perfect night. I’m sorry, does your perfect night not involve ordering Thai food and talking to no one but your pet? If so, I don’t understand you.

Best Lyric:
Yeah, she’s rocking them sweatpants.
And she’s watering them plants.
And she’s ordering food
Cause she’s not in the mood
To wash all them pans.

The Anthem of Actual Nice Guys

Red Nose Day: “Nice Guys Love Red Nose Day, Too”
I’m not talking about those MRA cretins who love to call themselves “nice guys” while berating women for not recognizing said niceness and rewarding them with sex prizes. This is for the guys like Danny Trejo and Ramsay Bolton who make a living making us hate them.

Best Lyric:
I sometimes act the guy who kills people and robs banks,
But in real life I’m actually nicer than Tom Hanks.

The Anthem of Trying to Feel Sexy
Crazy Ex-Girlfriend: The Sexy Getting Ready Song

Crazy Ex-Girlfriend has given us a huge number of anthems during its first season. We’ve got the anthem for one-night stands, for oversized anatomy, and— my personal favorite— for those kids (and adults) who TOTALLY HAVE FRIENDS. But the entry here has to go to the song that every woman who has ever gone on a date or any outing, really, that requires any amount of preparation.

Best Lyric:
Nasty-ass patriarchal bullshit.
You know what? I’ve gotta go apologize to some bitches.
I’m forever changed after what I’ve just seen.

The (Non) Feminist Anthem
Saturday Night Live, “This Is Not a Feminist Song”

Is this a great song? No, of course not, because it’s freaking impossible to make a perfect feminist anthem, okay?

Best Lyric:
Now here’s some powerful footage for a song we didn’t write.
It’s Malala, Maya Angelou, and Madeline Albright.
And R.B.G. she taught me that women can be strong,
And that women have the right to choose to bail on this whole song.

An Ode to Fanciness
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt: “Peeno Noir”

Alright, so I don’t know if this is actually an anthem, but in addition to being “a tribute to black penis,” it’s sure to make you feel fancy as fuck.

Best Lyric:
Literally all of them

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