Did you hear? You guys did it. You finally did it. Tard the Grumpy Cat is getting her own movie and it will be directed by Todd Garner (Jack and Jill, Here Comes the Boom, Zookeeper). Tard’s feature film debut will reportedly center around the cat and her family. Tard will also speak like Garfield. So, good job, internet. Lest you think this will be the last meme-turned-feature-film, I’ve made a list of probable contenders. Jerks.
1. The Most Interesting Man in the World
Sure, he’s already a spokesman for the delicious Dos Equis, but we can go deeper. Let’s explore TMIMITW’s origins. How did he become such a bad ass? Did he really make Chuck Norris cry? What does he do for a living? The current TMIMITW could be telling his life story to an enraptured group of people while drinking Dos Equis and being stalked by assassins. BOOM! MOVIE’D!
2. Success Kid
Disney is grabbing this one and making it into a talking baby movie. Success Kid inadvertently becomes entangled with the mob when he grabs a teddy bear that looks like his, but was really filled with money. The pair of bumbling mobsters pursue Success Kid, but are foiled at every turn as everything turns out better than expected for him.
3. Overly Attached Girlfriend
Overly Attached Girlfriend seems normal at first. She’s attentive and sweet and really fun to be around. Then she begins commenting on events she wasn’t present for, like how you had trouble banging out that deuce this morning or how your locker combination wouldn’t work. Things start going all Swimfan on your ass. The movie ends with her in a psychiatric ward, obsessing over an orderly.
4. Ermahgerd Girl
This would feature Ermahgerd Girl as the outcast at her school. She doesn’t realize no one actually likes her and continues on with reading her Goosebumps series. Eventually, her Goosebumps knowledge helps her school win a trivia contest and people start using her catch phrase “Ermahgerd” as the entire school embraces her.
5. Good Guy Greg
This is obviously a stoner comedy. Good Guy Greg and his buddies settle in for a night of smoking blunts when they are interrupted by a girl that needs some assistance. Good Guy Greg is the only one of his buddies to volunteer to help the girl and they embark on an adventure filled with Greg doing nice stuff for people and getting the girl.
If any of these get made, you only have yourself to blame. And possibly, to a lesser extent, me.