I manage to not watch a lot of commercials, but the few that have made it through recently have been a particularly bad form of terrible. Specifically, they’ve got no idea what they’re actually saying. Commercials have entirely lost the thread. Like:
What It’s Trying To Say: Amazon helps bring your loved ones together.
What It’s Actually Saying: Babies are dog-hating monsters.
What It’s Trying To Say: People living with COPD can regain their vitality, and live a full life. Like a wolf, I guess.
What It’s Actually Saying: Grandpa terrorizes and then eats live pigs. Because seriously, guys, that character’s name is The Big Bad Wolf.
What It’s Trying To Say: THE RULES DON’T APPLY TO US, BRO. WE’RE TOO IRONIC FOR YOUR STANDARDS.
What It’s Actually Saying: Peacocking is an acceptable marketing campaign now.
Both Old Spices
What It’s Trying To Say: SEE HOW FUNNY WE ARE? *Fart noise*.
What It’s Actually Saying: The next time you’re having sexy moments and they whisper that you smell good, remember that your mom bought you this Old Spice. I want you to think about your mom the next time you get a boner.
What It’s Trying To Say: Ice cream is awesome! We’ve reinvented how you dessert! Check out how interesting and futuristic we’ve made ice cream now!
What It’s Actually Saying: Acid is the fucking worst.