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34 Spoileriffic Reasons Why I Loved Prometheus

By Joanna Robinson | Lists | June 11, 2012 |

By Joanna Robinson | Lists | June 11, 2012 |


The internet is alive with harsh criticism and bitter words for Ridley Scott’s “don’t call it a prequel” Prometheus. And I don’t know what to tell you folks. I feel like I saw a completely different film. Maybe my enjoyment of Prometheus is tantamount to those people who claim they like the Transformers franchise because it went splodey-boom. Did I manage to turn my hyper-critical brain off and ignore some plot holes? Probably. All I know is that the ladies kicked *ss, it was visually gorgeous and there was Fassbender galore. So here, internet, is some love for Prometheus. I even liked the sh*tty parts. Choke on it, haters.

The Amazing Exterior Shots
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The Equally Amazing Interior Shots
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The Parts That Made Me Squirm
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The Parts That Made Me Shriek
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The Fifth Element Ace Bandage Underwear
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Charlize Doing Wet Push-Ups In The Aforementioned Underwear
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This Is A Space Geologist
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This Is A Space Geologist On Drugs
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Because For Once The Earth Is Shown Africa-side Up
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Because Now I Know What I Want For Christmas
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The Pups
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The Penis/Vagina Cobras
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Because Even With A Spotty Accent, A Concertina-Playing Idris Elba Is A Good Thing
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Because I Wondered If Vickers Was A Robot Too
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Because, In The Future, Big Important Archeologists Look Like Hollywood Douche Bags
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Bad Robot!
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The Prometheus Myth
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DO. NOT. TAUNT. THE. ANDROID
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The Wicked Cool Star Map
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Because, In The Future, Biologists Think It’s A Brilliant Idea To Pet New and Uknown Species (Nice Hoodie, Though)
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Because The Minorities Don’t Die Until The Very End
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Axe-Weilding Archeologists
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The Serenity Flashbacks
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Scanners Flashbacks
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Because, At One Point, Charlize Gets Out Of This Thing In A Hurry
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David’s Dye Job
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Tentacles
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“Evolution”
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Watching David’s Forefinger
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Because I Had Never Noticed The Resemblance
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Because This Is The Strongest Argument For Safe Sex…Ever
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Because, In The Words Of My Friend Paul, “Killing A Douche Bag Scientist And Then Flying Off With His Lover Doesn’t Make David The Villian…It Makes Him the Hero”
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That Final Shot
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Joanna Robinson welcomes your poisonous, erode-y hatred.