The internet is alive with harsh criticism and bitter words for Ridley Scott’s “don’t call it a prequel” Prometheus. And I don’t know what to tell you folks. I feel like I saw a completely different film. Maybe my enjoyment of Prometheus is tantamount to those people who claim they like the Transformers franchise because it went splodey-boom. Did I manage to turn my hyper-critical brain off and ignore some plot holes? Probably. All I know is that the ladies kicked *ss, it was visually gorgeous and there was Fassbender galore. So here, internet, is some love for Prometheus. I even liked the sh*tty parts. Choke on it, haters.

The Amazing Exterior Shots

The Equally Amazing Interior Shots

The Parts That Made Me Squirm

The Parts That Made Me Shriek

The Fifth Element Ace Bandage Underwear

Charlize Doing Wet Push-Ups In The Aforementioned Underwear

This Is A Space Geologist

This Is A Space Geologist On Drugs

Because For Once The Earth Is Shown Africa-side Up

Because Now I Know What I Want For Christmas

The Pups

The Penis/Vagina Cobras

Because Even With A Spotty Accent, A Concertina-Playing Idris Elba Is A Good Thing

Because I Wondered If Vickers Was A Robot Too

Because, In The Future, Big Important Archeologists Look Like Hollywood Douche Bags

Bad Robot!

The Prometheus Myth

DO. NOT. TAUNT. THE. ANDROID

The Wicked Cool Star Map

Because, In The Future, Biologists Think It’s A Brilliant Idea To Pet New and Uknown Species (Nice Hoodie, Though)

Because The Minorities Don’t Die Until The Very End

Axe-Weilding Archeologists

The Serenity Flashbacks

Scanners Flashbacks

Because, At One Point, Charlize Gets Out Of This Thing In A Hurry

David’s Dye Job

Tentacles

“Evolution”

Watching David’s Forefinger

Because I Had Never Noticed The Resemblance

Because This Is The Strongest Argument For Safe Sex…Ever

Because, In The Words Of My Friend Paul, “Killing A Douche Bag Scientist And Then Flying Off With His Lover Doesn’t Make David The Villian…It Makes Him the Hero”

That Final Shot

Joanna Robinson welcomes your poisonous, erode-y hatred.