Yesterday Buzzfeed released a list of 27 Reasons Why Darla Is The Best Vampire In the Buffyverse. “Ha!” I hear you snort! “Not bloody likely!!” I couldn’t agree more. Darla is, to quote my colleague Courtney, “wallpaper glue.” Here are 23 vampires from the Buffyverse that are better than Darla. Unequivocally. Inarguably. Empirically.
23. Vampire Xander: For being marginally better than human Xander. Who is the worst.
22. These Two Vamps From Once More With Feeling: For that sweet, sweet grapevine action.
21. The Vampire Formerly Known As Cox-Arquette: Because he’s the original (better) Jesse McNally.
20. Vampire Jeremy Renner:
19. Disco Dave: For his love of KC & The Sunshine band.
18. The Turok-Han: Because they’re just the cutest.
17. Lyle Gorch: Because he tussled with Buffy more than once and lived* to tell the tale.
16. Three Sisters: For their impeccable taste in thralls.
15. Vampire Sawyer: For showing admirable nickname restraint.
Taquitos Kakistos: Cloven. Feet.
13. Drusilla: For putting the hot in psychotic.
12. Dracula: For turning Xander into the butt monkey we always suspected him to be.
11. Spike’s Mom: For giving us all a mother complex.
10. Zachary Kralik: For having one.
9. Vampire Hauer: Because, against all odds, this is an acting legend’s third best performance.
8. Puppet Angel: Because, I mean, awwwww.
7. Holden Webster: For calling Buffy out on her nonsense.
6. Vampire Paul Rubens: *nnnnnggggggggg* *eggggggghhhhhhh*
5. Harmony Kendall: For keeping the spirit of Sunnydale High alive.
4. Vampire Willow: For her excellent taste in ladies and corsets.
3. Angelus: Because, let’s be honest, he was a damn site more interesting than Angel. Also, guyliner.
2. Spike: For his enduring effulgence.
1. Mr. Trick: Because I like his style and I like his moves.