1. There are people in fat suits.
2. There are men in poorly done drag.
3. If the trailer boasts anything from anyone involved with Scary Movie.
4, 5, & 6. An out of place pop song, one movie critic cited multiple times, and Johnny Depp doing a funny voice.
7, 8, & 9. Condescending Voiceover Guy, dog attacking a crotch, and ridiculous accidents.
10. It’s based on a video game.
11. It sat on a shelf unreleased until after the stars won Oscars/had big movies/etc.
12 & 13. The trailer has a record scratch and a woman who is single and must be cured of that terrible affliction.
14. The trailer features shots of the audience reacting to the movie.
15 & 16. It’s a remake of a movie that wasn’t that great and it begins with someone being interrogated concerning the events of the movie.
17. The twist is revealed in the trailer.
18, 19, 20. Anthropomorphic animals played by real animals marred by computer tweaking. Someone in a fast/flying/etc. vehicle says they’re going to puke and the other passenger chuckles. Someone yells, “I LOVE BEING [insert job here]!”
21. The only other person in the theater is a pantsless Steven and he’s reviewing the movie for the site.