Welcome to the annual Academy Award fashion roundup, wherein I attempt to make sense of the things people wore. Mind you, I have no more fashion street cred than say, anyone on E!’s Fashion Police; but it hasn’t stopped them, so…
It was an unusual night in that there wasn’t a clear best dress (like Naomi Watts’ gorgeous silver Armani Privé last year), and there were far too many dresses that felt boring and safe. Almost no one took a risk, save Anna Kendrick, and opinions on its success were mixed. Let’s have a look.
Safe Picks, Good Dresses:
Amy Adams in Gucci
This fit like a glove and the color is gorgeous.
Naomi Watts in Calvin Klein
Emma Watson in Vera Wang
Sandra Bullock in Alexander McQueen
Charlize Theron in Dior
Gabourey Sidibe in Judith Leiber
Anna Kendrick in J. Mendel
I loved this idea of this dress, though plenty of people complained about the mid-section and the top could have done without the sheer part. I still like it better than all the flesh, nude and dishwater colored dresses.
Lupita Nyong’o in Prada
Stunningly pretty color on her; perfectly princessy.
Jennifer Garner in Oscar de La Renta
The dress didn’t photograph as well as it looked onscreen, but this flapper-ish silver creation was gorgeous.
Karen O. in Camilla Staerk
Among several in black, this stood out.
A Festive of Flesh-tones: UGH. I will never, ever understand going to the Oscars in some boring, blah—bloring! flesh, beige, nude, dishwater colored dress. This is the time to live it up, not fade into the background. Oh and you blonde/pale ladies, all these flesh tones do is wash you out.
Cate Blanchett in Armani
I dubbed this the “Charm Dress aka the Fishing Lure Dress aka a fancy craft project made at Michael’s. All I wanted to do was pull out my box of Christmas ornaments and start adding them one by one. Cate, you are so much better than this dress.
Sally Hawkins in Valentino
I adore Sally. I do not adore this dress.
Sarah Paulson in Elie Saab
More “Mehs”: Gorgeous ladies in their just meh best.
Kerry Washington in Jason Wu
She almost pulls it off, but this is basically a sheet—no?
Jennifer Lawrence in Dior
At least it’s a color?
Kate Hudson in Atelier Versace
I think I’d have like this better without the Dynasty shouldered cape.
Penelope Cruz in Giambattista Valli
Anne Hathaway in Gucci
Lady Gaga in Versace
What, no meat?
Meryl Streep in Lanvin
Ageless Beauty: Bette Midler is 68, and she looked great and sounded phenomenal.
Bette Midler in Reem Acra
I’m Liza; Deal with It:
Liza Minnelli in Vintage Halston
Something Went Wrong: .
Viola Davis in Escada
Great color; bad, wrinkled dress. Viola, you’re so much better than this.
Julia Roberts in Givenchy
What is even happening here? Lace, peplum, sheer boob cover-up panel? This dress belongs to an 80 year old, and even she has a better bra. Liza gets a pass because she’s Liza, but you know better.
Olivia Wilde in Valentino and Jason Sudeikis in Prada
Speaking of bad boobage… Olivia’s dress looked gorgeous from behind, but when she turned around, something was very wrong with her support gear.
Chris Hemsworth, and Elsa Pataky in Elie Saab
There have been plenty of pregnant women dressed gorgeously at awards shows. Sadly, Elsa is not one of them. The overlay color is beautiful—that’s all I’ve got.
Tara Lipinski in Rani Zakhem; Best Pompadour by Johnny Weir
Channing Tatum, and Jenna Dewan-Tatum in Reem Acra
Kristen Bell in Roberto Cavalli, and Dax Shepard
John Legend, and Christine Teigen in Monique Lhullier
Harrison Ford, and Calista Flockhart in Andrew Gn
Will Smith, and Jada Pinkett Smith in Versace
Matthew McConaughey in Dolce & Gabanna and Camila Alves in Gabriela Cadena
Frumpy and Lumpy:
Christian Bale and Sibi Blazic in Dolce & Gabbana
Chiwetel Ejiofor, and Sari Mercer in Suzanne Neville
Angelina Jolie in Elie Saab and Brad Pitt in Tom Ford
When first I saw Jolie, I thought she was in another flesh toned dress, but when she got up on stage with Sidney Poitier, I saw it was gorgeous, shimmering silver. (I know, I know, it looks frumpy here!) But still a bitch move grabbing the spotlight at the end there.
Worst Dressed Couple:
Pharrell Williams in Lanvin, and Helen Lasichanh
Sorry dude. I love your song, but shorts just don’t cut it at the Oscars.
Gotta Look Sharp: The Boys
Michael B. Jordan
Bradley Cooper in Tom Ford
Joseph Gordon-Levitt in Calvin Klein
Love the texture (and sock color pop).
I’m Just as Uncomfortable with Myself in Real Life as the Characters I Play Award:
I Am Bill Murray