I’ve always thought it was a little weird to speculate on Hollywood romances. Even though we feel like we know these people, we obviously don’t and who the f*ck are we to say what’s best for them? But such speculation is the grist for a million gossip blogs and, if we don’t go too negative, there’s nothing wrong with saying “Awww, they would be cute together.” Right? Right. So here’s a list of actors who I personally think are too ridiculously adorable together onscreen to deny us the pleasure of their loving antics on the red carpet. So many Hollywood couples are the product of onscreen collaboration and while some of them are winners (Angie and Brad, The King And Queen Of Hollywood) others are rather “meh” (that bisexual, gap-toothed Australian and her British vampire husband). But these? Oh these would be (or would have been) tooth-achingly sweet.
Colin Firth and Helena Bonham Carter: Well, to be honest, Tim Burton and Helena Bonham Carter are obviously soul mates. Their mutually rumpled selves belong together. But sometimes…sometimes opposites attract. I loved the King’s Speech Awards season because, with Colin Firth by her side, Carter looked more like a rare exotic bird than the female half of the Fancy Garbage Pail Kids.
Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan: Dream with me people. No offense meant to Hanks’ lovely wife Rita Wilson, but what if these two had gotten together during Joe Vs. The Volcano…or even Sleepless In Seattle? I so firmly believe that Tom Hanks’ particular brand of wholesome, winning charm would be enough for any woman. That with Tom in her life Meg would feel secure and loved. THAT SHE WOULDN’T DO THAT THING THAT MEG RYAN DID TO HER FACE. This is my dream. Excuse me while I go watch You’ve Got Mail for the hundredth time.
Anna Friel and Lee Pace: By all accounts Lee Pace is gay. Rock on Lee Pace. I too enjoy the male form. That won’t stop me from willing this adorable pair into existence. Their absurd height difference amuses me and Ann Friel does Zooey Deschanel better than Ms. Deschanel herself. Make it so, universe.
Julie Delpy and Ethan Hawke: Her sweet and breezy Frenchiness is the perfect antidote to his New York douchebaggery. Whereas Hawke looks like he smells of cigarettes and disdain, Delpy is like a walking croissant. Clearly, Richard Linklater would live in their pool house.
Eric Stonestreet and Jesse Tyler Ferguson: Once again, Eric Stonestreet is straight. That’s rad, Eric, women are the best. But these two are so convincingly perfect with each other and I would give anything to be a guest at their wedding.
Myrna Loy and William Powell: How were they not married?! They were married for six films. SIX.
Kate Winslet And Leonardo DiCaprio: While I’m not a huge fan of either of their onscreen pairings, I love these crazy kids together. Imagine if they had gotten together in their teens, when Kate was a leeettle bloated and hadn’t figured out how to use make-up yet. They’d still be together now, when Leo is a little bloated and hasn’t figured out how to use tanning spray. This would do the world so much good. It would solve Leo’s “model problem” (not a problem, more of a predictable choice), save Kate from dating a fellow with the last name “RocknRoll,” and give Angie and Brad a run for their crown.
Ryan Reynolds and Sandra Bullock: We all watched as America’s Sweetheart got her heart ripped out by a redneck. That was rough. We also watched as Ry Squared inexplicably married Scarlett Johansson. That was…odd. I’d give anything to see these two together. Her sense of humor brings out the goof in Reynolds and when he’s goofy, he’s not so smarmy. Win, win, motherf*cking win.
Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers: I remember when I found out these two WEREN’T married. I was shocked. I was raised on them, on their banter and the easy grace with which they moved together. It feels wrong to think of them with anyone else.
Damon Wayans Jr. and Eliza Coupe: These two are far and away my favorite TV couple. I know nothing of their personal lives but I believe, in my heart of hearts, that they would be better together.
Michael Fassbender and James McAvoy: I’m sure you saw this coming. Doesn’t make it wrong! It’s oh-so-right. You know it, I know it, McAvoy’s lovely wife knows it.
Ryan Gosling and Emma Stone: These two. Jesus christ. My heart swells just looking at them. So Stone is currently dating her Spider-Man costar Andrew Garfield which is lovely, I’m sure. And Gosling is head over penis in love with Eva Mendes. Can’t blame you friend-o. But the perfect cuteness storm created by these two in Crazy Stupid Love is irresistible. Fortunately, they’ll be reunited in this year’s Gangster Squad.
Come on, guys, MAKE SOME CUTE BABIES TOGETHER. Ahem.