Seinfeld: The Festivus doll
“Many Christmases ago, I went to buy a doll for my son. I reach for the last one they had — but so did another man. As I rained blows upon him, I realized there had to be another way! … out of that, a new holiday was born. A Festivus for the rest of us!”
Friends: Toilet seat covers
What to get for your friend when you spend Christmas stranded at a rest stop? You can probably do better than Chandler’s toilet seat covers, but who am I to judge?
It’s a Wonderful Life: A big pile of cash that you don’t actually get to keep.
It’s a Wonderful Life: Mr. Potter is the only one who comes out a big pile of cash ahead at the end of.
The Office: A repurposed tea pot.
Oh, did you get the love of your life a sweet, thoughtful gift full of carefully crafted inside jokes? Well too bad, it lives in your nemesis’ nose now.
Love Actually: A Joni Mitchell CD
Sure, you may have had your heart set on a tacky bejeweled necklace, but the question there is: is it just a necklace, or if it’s sex and a necklace, or if, worst of all, it’s a necklace and love?
National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation: The Jelly of the Month Club
You had your heart set on a nice bonus to put towards a sweet new swimming pool, but Jelly of the Month is the gift that keeps on giving throughout the entire year.
The Simpsons: A tattoo
Oh yeah, a tattoo may be a sweet gift, but not if you’re a 10 year old trying to express his love for his mom.
Mad Men: Divorce papers
‘Tis NOT the season for surprise divorces, even if those papers come from a rapey sleazebag.
30 Rock: GE photo scanner/paper shredder.
This one is maybe a bit confusing, no?
A Christmas Story: Bunny Suit
Oh, you thought you were gonna get a Red Rider BB gun? You’re crazy. You’ll shoot your eye out, kid. No, bunny PJs are where it’s at.
Sure, mogwais may be cute, but in general it’s best to steer away from gifts that come with a lot of rules and instructions.