Alright, alright, alright. Matthew McConaughey never pretended to be an Oscar-bait actor, right? Oh wait .. he did. But honestly, aside from A Time to Kill, Contact, and Amistad, McConaughey said, “Fuck this. I’m taking my shirt off. In a lot of crappy films.” Here are the top eleven of them:
The Ghosts of Girlfriends Past: Poor Charles Dickens. He never intended for his work to inspire crap like this.
Fool’s Gold: This is the movie where McConaughey attempts to remove more shirts than he ever wears. That’s the entire fucking film, people.
Surfer, Dude: This movie was, perhaps, the magnum (shirtless) opus of McConaughey and Woody Harrelson’s marijuana-laced friendship. Good times, brah.
The Texas Chainsaw Massacre - The Next Generation: Make no mistake, Renee Zellweger and McConaughey both signed onto this crappy film for the exposure. Fortunately, both moved on to (briefly) better things.
We Are Marshall: This movie was both heart-rending and possessed genuinely heartfelt performances by both Matthew Fox and McConaughey. Such a shame about the ending though.
Failure to Launch: Sarah Jessica Parker and McConaughey both profited handsomely from this ultra-formulaic, crappy confection. Also, pay special attention to Matty’s slanted posture in this poster, for it makes a bit more sense later…
Sahara: $78 million of red ink? McConaughey as Dirk Pitt? Steve Zahn as the muscular, Italian Al Giordino of the novels? Pure crap.
Two For the Money: This is yet another “thriller” that (regrettably) banks on the presence of the formerly great Al Pacino with his token male co-star de jour, with whom he (inevitably) shares absolutely no chemistry whatsoever.
Reign of Fire: Yet another Uwe Boll masterpiece. Need I say more?
The Wedding Planner: Behold, the rise of J-Lo and metrosexual McConaughey!
Angels in the Outfield: Despite the presence of Tony Danza, Joseph Gordon-Levitt (!), and Adrian Brody (!), the film lacked authentic sports-like action, which was a grave mistake.
And here’s a little bonus number for you…
How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days: Don’t even talk to me about the alleged “chemistry” between McConaughey and Kate Hudson. This was one crappy movie.
Agent Bedhead lives in Tulsa, Oklahoma. She and her little black heart can be found at Celebitchy.