In the comment section of last week’s comparative Johnny Depp column, someone threw a gauntlet down in regard to Cameron Diaz’s filmography. Could there ever conceivably be a such an “11 Crappiest Movies” list written in regard to Cam? Of course this is possible, and considering the impending release of What to Expect When You’re Expecting, this is a very timely suggestion. Naturally, I’ve already written a lackluster career assessment that highlighted Cam’s ability “to burp on command.” While Cameron will always be able to claim Gangs of New York and Being John Malkovich among her critical successes and watchable movies, there are numerous crappy movies within her resumé. Here are the top eleven selections:
Knight & Day: Yes, this movie was a theoretically brilliant way for Tom Cruise to play off his batshit crazy reputation with Cameron as the stand-in, A-list female movie star. Why wasn’t it a fun ride though?
What Happens in Vegas: Methinks Ashton Kutcher finally met his douchebag match in this obnoxious movie.
The Box: While I applaud Diaz’s effort to pull off a serious role, all good intentions were destroyed here by a very crappy script.
Charlie’s Angels - Full Throttle: This sequel offered all of the skin but none of the charm of the original. Also, nice shiny ass on the poster, Cam.
Keys to Tulsa: Hey, I’ve lived in Tulsa for most of my life, so of course I watched this insulting, ridiculous movie. Did anyone else see it?
The Sweetest Thing: Here, Cameron and her co-stars attempted to validate the meaningless existence of their pathetic characters. Try again.
Very Bad Things: I think the filmmakers were aiming for a Heathers level of black comedy, but they unfortunately left out the “comedy” part.
A Life Less Ordinary: Sure, this movie remains something of a guilty pleasure for many people, but it’s still crappy as hell.
Shrek the Third: This movie was the very point that this self-reflecting, annoyingly meta-referencing franchise collapsed upon itself.
Feeling Minnesota: This one was such a nice, hi-concept/low-execution way to ruin a good Soundgarden song.
The Holiday: As far as romantic comedies go, this wasn’t the worst movie ever, but it still belongs on this list. Shoot me.
Agent Bedhead lives in Tulsa, Oklahoma. She and her little black heart can be found at Celebitchy.