Magic Mike XXL might have had a plot as tight as Joe Manganiello’s abs*, but at the end of its 115-minute run time, there were still some loose ends that I’d have preferred to see resolved. How could you so thoroughly abandon these central plot elements, screenwriter Reid Carolin? It’s like we were watching a completely different movie.
1) Will Magic Mike’s final stripperganza in Myrtle Beach have any affect on his attitude towards the construction of custom furniture?
2) Early in the movie, Big Dick Richie throws Magic Mike’s phone out the window of their froyo food truck-cum-stripper van. Did this cause Magic Mike to miss any important emails, texts, or phone calls from one of his custom furniture clients?
3) How, if at all, will the Supreme Court’s Affordable Care Act ruling affect Magic Mike’s ability to provide health benefits to his sole custom furniture employee?
4) For Magic Mike’s custom furniture retail space, is he thinking about a more centrally located downtown Tampa storefront, or something in one of the less conveniently located but more affordable suburbs? What are his thoughts re: hardwood vs carpeting?
5) What are Magic Mike’s thoughts on half lap joints vs dovetail joints?
6) At the beginning of the movie, the phone number on the side of Magic Mike’s “Mike Lane Custom Designs” van is 813-148-2553. I called that number but was told that my call could not be completed as dialed. It can’t be because phone numbers don’t start with one. Has Magic Mike’s custom furniture business gone under already?
6) Did Magic Mike feel as betrayed as I did by the woodworking plagiarism scandal that brought the first season of Ellen’s Design Challenge on HGTV to an unexpected and controversial end?
7) What ill-begotten custom furniture monstrosity must be lumbering just out of frame in the below promo card in order to make Magic Mike deliver such a side-eye? And that hand placement! “Away, foul demon! Sully me not with your harsh custom furniture vibes!”
9) As part of the film’s climax, Big Dick Richie performs a BSDM-themed routine to Nine Inch Nail’s “Closer,” utilizing a sex swing as a prop. Given Magic Mike’s custom furniture expertise, did he take a look at the swing prior to the performance to ensure that it was properly constructed? It would have to be a mighty piece of furniture indeed to hold the weight of one adult woman and one Big Dick Richie.
9) Andie MacDowell’s house was woefully bereft of custom furniture. Did Mike ever speak to her about her custom furniture needs? You know what they say: Networking, networking, networking!
10) Is Matt Bomer more of a butcher block or free-standing kitchen island kind of guy?
11) What is Magic Mike’s favorite type of wood?
*Note: This is not true. I just wanted to use that analogy.
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